I Never
by treehugger18
Summary: Post 3x13 Sam and Gail end up drinking and talking at the Penny. Purely friendship.
1. Chapter 1

_AN: Firstly just a warning that this is set after 3x13 so is somewhat spolierish. Also the more I think about it the more I kinda like the final. I know it wasn't the McSwarek happy ending that everyone wanted but I think the decisions made make sense. Although I'm still not thrilled about having to wait 9 months to see how it all plays out._

_Anyways enough ramblings. After watching it I ended up thinking about Gail and Sam in the bar and figured that they were both going through similar things and could relate to each other and well that turned into this story. Also this is purely about friendship, not sure if people will like this but figured I'd see anyway._

_Also I still don't own rookie blue._

* * *

"I don't think he's coming," Gail muttered, just loud enough for Sam to hear. "I think we're drinking alone."

Quickly he chanced a glance in her direction, trying to push his thoughts aside before turning back to the door, he was pretty sure Andy wasn't either.

Letting out a sigh, Sam stopped fiddling with the glass in his hands, allowing it to rest on the bar before running one hand over his face. He had been so sure that she would show, so sure she would give him another chance. But thinking back…that shrug of the shoulder, maybe he had hurt her too much, taken too long to do anything about it.

"Here." Hearing Gail's voice, he looked round to find her pushing a shot in his direction. He guessed there was no harm in having another drink and so mumbled out his thanks as he picked up the glass before twirling it in his fingers and watching the liquid slosh from side to side.

"Never thought I'd be the one getting stood up tonight," Gail mused as Sam looked back to her, watching her down her shot.

"Never thought I'd be drinking with you tonight," he muttered. He had hoped, prayed, wished that it would be Andy here with him. Even with the doubts in his mind he had clung to the hope that Andy would want to hear him out, but he guessed he was wrong about that, just like everything else recently. Letting out a sigh he moved the glass to his lips before hearing Gail yell at him to stop. "What?"

"I didn't think so either and I already drank mine, so I need another…"

"What?"

"I never." She looked at him as if it was the most obvious explanation in the world. "When you say I never, if it's true you drink and if it's not you don't…"

"Yeah I know what it is, I just…didn't realise we were…"

"I just got my job back, I wanna get wasted, any better ideas?" she asked as Sam shrugged. He could grab a bottle of scotch and drink by himself instead of playing a stupid game, but at least if someone was with him they would stop him doing anything rash like calling Andy. Even though she hadn't said anything to him he got the message; she didn't want to talk to him. Not tonight anyway, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to follow through with his plan, just not tonight. "Swarek focus." Also Gail had just gotten her job back and it appeared there was no one else here for her to celebrate with.

"Fine," he conceded as he placed his glass back on the counter before calling the bartender over. "What do you want?"

"Tequila." Sam couldn't help but shake his head at her request.

"Should have guessed, one more please…"

"Actually I think we're gonna need the bottle," Gail interrupted as he turned to face her with a questioning look. "You do understand wasted right? Three shots ain't enough and unless you plan on having them walk over…"

"Yeah, yeah, okay." She had a point after all. "We'll take the bottle."

"Also I should probably mention I don't really have any cash on me…"

"So I'm paying?" he asked, rolling his eyes, of course he was.

"Well I just got my job back, and I have taken a pay cut so…"

"Fine," he relented, grabbing his wallet as the bartender came back over and placed the bottle down in front of them. Quickly Sam fished out a couple of bills and handed them over before grabbing the bottle and refilling Gail's glass. "Congratulations on getting your job back."

"Thank you." She offered him a smile as they clinked their glasses before downing their shots. As soon as their glasses hit the bar Gail had the bottle in her hand so that she could refill them. Clearly her mission to get wasted needed to happen sooner rather than later, not that Sam minded. After today, well drinking seemed like the only option.

"I've never slept with anyone from fifteen." Sam just rolled his eyes as they both drank before grabbing the bottle and refilling the glasses.

"Aren't you supposed to say things you've never done? Hence I've never."

"Yeah well alternate rules…say anything even if you have done it. Drink if true, don't drink if false…I mean I'm trying to get drunk here," Gail told him, looking at him as if he should have already known, before picking up her glass.

"Fine, I never arrested someone."

Again they both drank before she spoke. "That was lame."

"So was yours, you said you wanted to get drunk…"

"Fine, I'll make it more interesting…I've never had sex in the station." Sam found himself taking a deep breath before lifting up the glass and downing its contents. Normally he wasn't open about... well anything but right now he just didn't care.

"I knew it," she laughed as he turned to face her before reaching for the bottle and noticing that she still had a full glass, that certainly surprised him.

"One time, and don't you dare say anything," he warned her, refilling his glass as the memory came back to him. It had been the day from hell, a kid went missing. Both he and Andy had spent hours searching for the boy but in the end it was too late. He had found Andy crying in the locker room and he had tried to comfort her, but when she had looked up at him he knew what she wanted. Somehow his plan of getting her home as soon as possible had failed when she pushed him up against the nearest locker. Thankfully a new shift had just started so the locker room was deserted and Sam couldn't find the strength to stop her. He needed it as much as she did; he just needed to make the numb feeling go away. Shaking his head at the memory Sam realised it was just another time when they had decided not to talk…something which was becoming more and more obvious as the biggest problem with their relationship.

"Swarek." Hearing Gail's voice he turned his focus back to her. "My lips are sealed and it's your go."

"Fine, I've never cheated," he said before watching her carefully, but she didn't move her glass. Well he had that wrong about her then.

"I haven't," she told him forcefully as he continued to stare at her. "Chris thought I had…but nothing ever happened, idiot still dumped me though."

"Sorry," he mumbled, turning back to his glass.

"Yeah well, no more depressing ones, okay?"

"Okay, your go."

"I've never had a threesome." Looking back to her Sam just watched as she downed her shot, feeling his mouth drop open at her revelation. That was certainly not something he had expected and Gail didn't seem the least bit worried about what she had just told him as she took the bottle from his hands before winking at him.

"You're just showing off now," he told her but that didn't stop the small smile on his face or his next question. "Two guys or two girls?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." She smirked as she refilled her glass but he shook his head. He didn't care that much, didn't really want to think about Gail like that.

"So," he started, deciding on his next confession, "I never posed as a prostitute."

"Hey you know that…" But she stopped as he downed his shot. "You?" she laughed as she quickly followed his lead.

"We were all rookies at one point." He couldn't help but chuckle a little at the memory.

"But you? Seriously? Did you have white pants like Chris?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." He smirked as Gail continued to stare at him, a look of pure excitement on her face.

"Please tell me there are pictures."

"Probably." He shrugged as he refilled their glasses, although he would be happy never seeing them again in his life.

"Well I never...I told you this game was fun."

"Could be worse," he agreed, he didn't think he would smile or laugh at all tonight, but here he was, doing both.

"Hmm okay, I've never been arrested."

"That's not really fair since you know what happened your first day," he protested.

"Okay ignoring that." Taking in a deep breath Sam looked down at his glass before drinking the liquid.

"Really? Like not being arrested when you were undercover?"

"Yeah, but a long time ago. Stupid mistake as a kid, never got put on my record or anything so…"

"What happened?" Gail asked but he just shook his head, he didn't want to talk about it. "Okay, although I still can't believe Andy arrested you on the first day. You're supposed to be this experienced, bad ass cop and…"

"Trust me, you weren't the only one who was surprised by that." Andy had literally burst into his life and even though he knew he should have been pissed at her, never have wanted to talk to her again...he had found himself drawn to her.

"You know you lost so much street cred that day, being beaten by a girl…"

"I was not beaten by a girl…"

"Yeah you were. You know you act all tough but really you're…""

"Peck," he warned her as she shrugged.

"Bet I could beat you in an arm wrestle."

"What?"

"Just saying you think you're all tough and whatnot but really…"

"Pass the bottle." He waved his hand at it but Gail shook her head.

"Chicken?"

"Are you always this competitive?"

"Maybe, you gonna be a man?"

"Fine, but then you better give me that bottle back,"

"Okay." She nodded as she hopped off the bar stool. "We need a table to do this." Nodding his head Sam just picked up their glasses before following her over. This was somewhat insane, but after the number of shots they'd drunk and the fact that he had decided against eating it meant that he really didn't care. Taking a seat opposite her Sam placed his elbow on the table as Gail did the same before grabbing hold of her hand.

"Ok on three," Gail said as he nodded. "One…two…three." At that Sam tensed his arm as he felt Gail pushing against his hand. He could see how hard she was trying but he just kept them in the exact same position, clearly he was stronger than her.

"What?" Gail snapped as she looked up to him; obviously annoyed by the small smirk on his face, did she really think she was going to win this?

"Just debating something."

"What?"

"Well I was wondering if I should be a gentleman and let you win or…" But he was cut off by Gail's huff.

"You are not a gentleman."

"Ok then." He smiled before slamming her hand down on the table. "Now pass the Tequila."

"Fine," she moaned, passing him the bottle.

"So where were we," he started as he refilled his glass. "Oh I know. I've never tried to hit on my training officer."

"What? I never tried to hit on you, God you are so not my type. I only asked to go outside because I could see how much watching Andy with homicide was…"

"I know." He shook his head before downing his shot. Yeah he remembered that incident. After they got cut loose when she had asked to get some air but nothing had ever happened and he wasn't even thinking about that when he had mentioned it.

"You?" She asked.

"As I said we were all rookies once and one of my TO's was…" But he stopped seeing Gail's death stare, "What? I'm trying to get drunk too you know."

"Fine…" But she stopped, looking at something behind him. Quickly Sam turned his gaze to find Becca coming to a halt beside him.

"Hey guys."

"Hey," he greeted her; he had already told her that Oliver wasn't going to be here.

"Mind if I sit?"

"Sure, we were just going to play pool," Gail said as she grabbed the bottle and her shot glass before walking off. Sam took a moment, just looking between the two of them before hearing Gail. "I don't have all night Swarek." Quickly he pushed himself off his seat, offering Becca a small smile before hurrying after Gail, clearly he was missing something.

"So we're playing pool now?" he asked as he caught up to her.

"Yeah, rack them up would you."

"What's…"

"Glass," Gail interrupted as he nodded, handing it over to her. "She will hit on anything with a pulse, surprised she hasn't tried it on with you yet."

"It was Oliver tonight actually." He smirked as Gail raised her eyebrows before handing him his glass back and grabbing her own.

"So anyway...I've never told Becca that Nick had STDs so she'd keep her hands off him," Gail spat before downing her shot.

"Okay then," he muttered as he placed his glass back down on the side. "So pool?"

"Please, you know I can tell her the same about you if you want."

"That's ok," he said, shaking his head before setting up the pool table. Whatever he had thought about Gail in the past she had been through a lot lately and if Nick wasn't here to look out for her, well then he would be. It was also pretty evident that she was as miserable about Nick not showing up as he was about Andy, and apparently misery loves company or at least that's what he'd been told.

"Wanna break?" he asked as she nodded, grabbing a cue and moving over to the table.

* * *

Forty minutes later and Sam only had two balls left to pot. He had to admit the tequila was making it slightly harder to focus, but clearly not as hard as it was for Gail who hadn't managed to pot anything yet. It probably didn't help that they had carried on playing I never at the same time.

"Peck," Sam called, walking round to her as she attempted to line up her shot.

"What?" she mumbled, keeping her head close to the cue as he rolled his eyes. The alcohol was definitely starting to get to her.

"Try this one," he said grabbing the end of the cue and moving it so it now pointed at the cue ball.

"Was that not…" she started, tilting her head to the side. "My bad."

"Yeah, maybe we should slow…"

"I said I wanted to get wasted," she interrupted him before striking the ball. Sam just watched as it hit the red before the red rolled towards the top pocket, falling in. "Yes!" she yelled throwing her hands in the air. "See I'm fine."

"That was one of mine," he told her as he looked to the bottle of tequila, there was about an eighth left.

"What? Oh shit," she mumbled, stalking back over to the table. "It's your go by the way."

"I know," he told her as he moved over to line up his shot.

"I meant I never…you need to come up with something."

"I've never lost a game of pool," he said, reaching out to grab his drink.

"Now who's showing off?" He just smiled as he downed his shot. It was partly showing off but partly trying to limit how much more she drank, Sam was pretty sure she'd had enough for tonight. Quickly he potted his last ball before moving onto the black.

"Top corner," he said, pointing at it with his cue before lining up and taking his shot.

"Urgh, no fair," Gail moaned as it sailed into the hole. "I suck a pool."

"After half a bottle of Tequila you sure do." He nodded.

"Shut up," she mumbled, grabbing the bottle and refilling his glass. "So I…I um...I've never…never pushed someone away because I was scared of getting hurt." Watching her Sam could see her eyes start to glaze over as they both downed their shots. He was guilty of that to be sure. Just thinking about it hurt, but as he saw Gail reach for the bottle he quickly grabbed it from her.

"I think that's enough for tonight," he told her. If the conversation was about to take this turn then he didn't want to carry on, and he had a feeling that drinking more wasn't going to help either of them. Surprisingly Gail just nodded. "Let's get you home."

"It's fine…"

"Yeah well I'll just call a cab." As soon as he said the words he regretted it, Gail's eyes widening at one particular word as he mentally kicked himself.

"No…Sam no." She shook her head as he saw the terror in her eyes. "I'll walk."

"Okay, yeah I'll walk you okay?" He couldn't let her walk home by herself, not in this state and not after everything that had happened.

Reluctantly she agreed as she pulled on her coat whilst Sam silently berated himself for not being more careful. He should have known that she was still working through some issues, that mentioning anything related to her abduction would bring it all back, force her to relive some truly terrible events. Wishing that he had just kept his mouth shut he kept his eyes on her before watching her move over to the door. This was brilliant; she wouldn't even look at him now.

Clenching his jaw Sam tried to force his brain to think more clearly as his eyes came to rest on the almost empty bottle of tequila. Although part of him was tempted to take it, he realised that right now it really wasn't going to help either of them. So instead he just pulled on his own jacket before hurrying after Gail.

Thankfully it didn't take him long to catch up with her, as soon as he stepped foot outside the Penny he found her leaning back against the brick wall. He felt so incredibly guilty as he saw the tears in her eyes, and her obvious attempts at not crying, wished beyond anything that he could take back what he had said.

"I know it's not my turn but…I never…I don't…I don't want a hug…" she stuttered as Sam watched her duck her head. Letting out a breath, he nodded before stepping forwards and wrapping his arms around her. She needed it, hell after today he wanted…he wanted Andy in his arms but if he was honest with himself even this made him feel slightly better. He had spent the past weeks pushing everyone away, not letting anyone help him or comfort him in any way, but the more he thought about Andy and what had happened, the more he wished he had let someone in.

"Me neither," he whispered as he felt her cling onto him. For a few minutes he just held onto her, he could hear her crying but he really didn't know what to say, he was possibly the worst person to have in any sort of emotional situation. He wasn't good at sharing his feelings or anything about himself. Although after half a bottle of tequila it appeared he was slightly less terrible than normal.

"Okay, okay," Gail said pushing out his grasp. "I'm past emotional now." Sam couldn't help but raise his eyebrow at her as she wiped her eyes.

"Just like that?"

"Just like that," she told him before turning to face the road. "Let's go."

Nodding his head Sam just followed after Gail as they started back towards her place. As soon as they hit the street a silence fell between them, it appeared they were both too busy thinking about the person they had wanted to spend the night with to talk to each other. It was only when they were a few minutes away from Gail's that Sam noticed she had her phone out and finally decided to break the silence.

"What you doing?" He couldn't help but ask, especially as she seemed to be smiling.

"Texting Nick, now if this doesn't get him to come over I don't know what will." She sounded far more confident, much more like the Gail he knew.

"Do I even want to know…" But Sam didn't get a chance to finish his question as Gail pushed the phone into his hand.

"As a guy, tell me you wouldn't be round in a flash if a girl sent you that." Reluctantly he started reading before quickly handing the phone back to her, no he really didn't want to know.

"What?" she snapped.

"Really stuff I didn't want to know about you or solider boy." He shook his head before sighing. "But yes, that will work."

"Just what I thought." She smiled as she sent the text before putting the phone back in her pocket, not seeming to care about what she had just let him know about…oh he really didn't want to think about it. "Hey, you know Nick was Andy's breakup buddy," she laughed as Sam furrowed his eyebrows, turning back to look at her, what the hell was a breakup buddy?

"And that is?"

"This thing she got from that stupid self-help book…"

"Self-help book?" Andy had a self-help book? He knew he shouldn't be surprised, he had barely taken notice of her the past few weeks, tried to keep his distance for both their sakes.

"Yeah this stupid thing, like how to ditch that jerk…"

"Jerk…"

"That would be you."

"Yeah I got that." Although he wondered if it had actually worked. There was that one day that she had suddenly started ignoring his orders…

"Anyway, what I was going to say was that you and her. Well she'll come around…even after all that stupid breakup buddy stuff she still misses you, she still wants to be with you. You just gotta do something about it." He had, he really had laid it all out there today but she hadn't given him the chance he'd asked for.

"Yeah." He nodded; he couldn't help but feel it was too little too late.

"Look I don't know if I should be saying this but Nick said she was kinda pissed that you never told her how you felt and so maybe if you'd just…"

"Yeah I know." He understood it all. Understood that if he had just opened up to her, told her the truth rather than running from the problem he wouldn't be in this mess.

"Well until that time, if you need a breakup buddy or a drinking partner, you know where I am," she told him as they walked up to her front door. "I mean cause tonight wasn't terrible and you know, it probably would have been a lot worse if you weren't there."

"Yeah." She had a point.

"And just do something about Andy, save us all the pain of having to watch you two…"

"I…I will." He had already told Andy his plan earlier. He would cook for every day, breakfast, lunch and dinner if it meant she would give him the time of day. He would take out her garbage, clean her house…anything to prove how much he loved her because he really, really did love her.

"Good." She smiled as she unlocked her door. "Oh, but don't send her a text like I sent to Nick…or call her or go round there until your sober. Because you know when I do it, it's cute but when you do it…well that's sexual harassment." Sam couldn't help but chuckle at that.

"Thanks for the advice." He nodded as she stepped inside.

"Anytime." She seemed more sincere now.

"I should go," he said as she nodded before turning around.

"Sam." Hearing his name he quickly turned back to face her. "There's always tomorrow to tell her right…or the next day…or…"

"Tomorrow." He nodded. "And every day after that." He didn't care anymore he would tell her every time he saw her how much he loved her and he would keep doing it until she took him back.

"Good." Gail smiled at him. "Night."

"Night." He waved her off before heading back onto the street. He couldn't wait to get to sleep and wake up tomorrow because tomorrow he was going to get her back. Maybe it wouldn't happen straight away, maybe it would take a few days or weeks or even longer but no matter how long it took him he was going to get Andy McNally back.

* * *

_I was originally thinking of doing it just as a one shot but if people are interested I have a few ideas for some other chapters. So let me know what you think? Would you be interested in more? It would just be about developing a friendship between Gail and Sam as I think they'd be in pretty similar places after they find out that Andy and Nick are gone._


	2. Chapter 2

_As requested here's another chapter. I think it's gonna be about six or so chapters in total, with Andy and Nick showing up later on. So let me know what you think. _

**Chapter 2:**

"Swarek." Hearing his name Sam snapped his head up to find Gail leaning against the door to the locker room, her bag slung over her shoulder.

"What's up?" he asked as he stuffed the rest of his clothes into his bag. They had finished the case they were working on an hour ago; he didn't think there was anything else they needed to discuss unless he had forgotten to sign off on some of the paper work.

"I need a drink," she told him as he pushed himself up off the bench. Why was she telling him? The first time they had had a drink together in over a year was last week and that was by sheer accident.

"Peck I'm not in the mood for company, I just want…"

"I don't care what you want. I need a drink, you need a drink and we may as well do it together, remember how much fun we had last time. Plus you're my breakup buddy." At that all Sam could do was sigh before rubbing a hand over his face. He really didn't want to be around anyone right now.

"You've not broken…" But he was cut off by Gail.

"Guy skips town without telling me, yeah even I can figure that one out… should have known he'd do that again."

"Again?" Sam asked, he was getting a sense there was more to the story than Gail was letting on.

"Let's get a drink."

"Peck," he warned her, he didn't want to see people, didn't want to talk to anyone. He just wanted to be alone. Since Jerry's death he hadn't been the most sociable person but after Andy's disappearance he had become a complete hermit. The first day it wasn't so bad. He had woken up early, hung over to hell after his and Gail's drinking session but determined to follow through on all of his promises to Andy. He had gone straight over to her apartment, knocked on her door, called her but nothing. He wasn't happy but figured she could still be sleeping; she did sleep like the dead. So he had gone to work, still in a pretty good mood whilst deciding what to cook her for dinner.

When she didn't show at parade he just assumed she had taken the day off, after the day before no one would blame her. Throughout the day he had sent her a few texts, asking her if he could come over later, if he could cook for her, if she would at least talk to him but still nothing. Even though it was starting to annoy him he persevered. After his shift finished he went shopping, picked up the ingredients he needed to make her favourite meal before heading over to hers. That was when he had started to realise something was wrong. As he pulled up he noticed her lights were off. He knew it meant she wasn't in but still he went up and knocked on the door. Of course that got him nowhere so he had called her again but still nothing. Sam knew she might still be mad at him so he had called Traci asking if she knew where her best friend was. However, Traci had made the same assumption he had about Andy had taking the day off.

When he explained she wasn't there Traci suggested he try her mum or dad's place. Thanking Traci he went straight over to Tommy's, which in hindsight may not have been one of his best ideas. After knocking on the door Sam had been greeted with Tommy's fist and a warning about staying away from his daughter. Reluctantly accepting that Tommy was not going to talk to him he had ended up back at home. He had considered going to Claire's but he knew she didn't approve of him. Knowing that there was no way in hell she would help him he had ended up drinking the bottle of wine he had brought for Andy before passing out on the couch and deciding to try again the next day.

However, just as with everything else, that didn't go to plan. Still Andy wouldn't answer her phone and again she wasn't in parade. When Gail had asked him if he had seen Nick he hadn't taken much notice, too busy trying to work out if Andy was actually avoiding him or if something was wrong. He had spoken to anyone he could find but no one seemed to know where she was and then he had overheard someone saying that Luke was gone. That was when it hit him. Luke, Nick and Andy all disappear magically on the same day. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on.

Not thinking clearly he had barged straight into Frank's office, demanding to know where she was. Again in hindsight, it was not one of his best ideas. Frank had told him that she had been reassigned and that was it. Sam, still not thinking clearly, had told him exactly what he thought about that before being told to take the rest of the day off to cool down because if he dared speak to Frank like that again…well he hadn't heard the end because he had stormed out of the room but he got the gist of it.

For the rest of the day he had tried any contact he knew who might know something about Luke's taskforce, but he got nothing. Either they really didn't know or they weren't going to tell him. Whichever it was the result was still the same, Andy was gone and he had no idea where she was, what she was doing or if she would ever be back again.

"Swarek!" Hearing his name Sam turned just in time to feel Gail's fist smashing into his shoulder.

"What the hell?" he asked.

"You completely zoned out on me, what's going on?"

His new routine of burying himself with work and drinking himself to sleep wasn't exactly agreeing with him but instead he just mumbled, "Nothing."

"Nothing…well let's get a drink and see if you still think it's nothing." Shaking his head Sam made to walk past her but she blocked the doorway with her arm. "Wasn't asking," she told him, grabbing his arm and dragging him through the hall.

"Peck…"

"Look you wanna drink by yourself or…" But she stopped as she saw his expression, yeah that's exactly what he wanted to do. "Well I need a ride and someone to get wasted with so you're coming."

"Why me?" Why couldn't she drag one of the other rookies out?

"Chris is a daddy now, Traci is with Leo and Dov cannot handle alcohol for shit. Also last time wasn't terrible. So now will you come?" she asked as he sighed. "You can bitch about Andy all you want, hell we can stick pictures of her and Nick to the dart board…"

"Peck…" He really wasn't good company. Lately he had found himself snapping at anyone for any little thing, which was probably why he had been riding alone for the last few days. Not that he minded, he much preferred to be alone right now. Even Oliver had backed off after one particularly fun argument.

"Look it's gonna be much better than sitting at home alone. Even you know that much, and you never know I may even share a few more secrets with you," Gail told him as she opened the door to the parking lot. Groaning Sam followed her over to his truck, she may have a point. Last time their drinking session had kept him distracted, had even made him smile and laugh. Two things he hadn't done since that night.

"Okay fine." He could always leave if he really hated it.

"Great," she said as he unlocked his truck. "Oh and I still don't have any cash."

"So I'm buying again?" he asked as they both climbed in.

"Yep, as I said pay cut. Plus I'm doing you a favour."

"You are, are you?" He really couldn't understand how forcing him to be around people and making him pay for the experience was a favour.

"Yup, now let's go get wasted." Nodding Sam just decided to go with it, what was the worst that could happen?

* * *

Ten minutes after they walked into the Penny and took up seats at the bar they finally got served. Sam was sure he had never seen it so busy but he had no idea what the occasion was. After handing over the cash for the bottle of tequila, as per Gail's request, he turned back to find her filling their glasses.

"I've never had to wait so long to get served," Gail moaned before knocking back her shot.

"Going for obvious ones again are we?" he asked as he followed her lead.

"Huh?" Gail looked confused as she grabbed the bottle and refilled their glasses.

"I never…thought you were…never mind," he muttered running a hand through his hair.

"Actually, I mean it's not your worst idea and I do want to get wasted." Gail shrugged before meeting his eyes. "Your go."

"Okay. Never thought I'd be here tonight," he said as he downed his shot before watching Gail do the same. "I know you want to get wasted but if we're playing this you may as well tell the truth…"

"I am. Didn't think you'd actually agree to come out and there was no way I was coming here alone," she told him before refilling their glasses. "So wanna put pictures of them on the dart board?"

"Seriously, you…" But he didn't finish as Gail pulled out a stack of pictures.

"Wow, remind me not to piss you off," he said as flipped through the stack, finding some with…bullet holes in them. "Uh Gail."

"What I was angry and it was the only thing I could think to do." She shrugged.

"Yeah." He knew he shouldn't be surprised; he'd smashed up his locker after being told to take the day off so shooting a picture wasn't much of a stretch.

"So I've never shot at a picture of my ex," Gail said before downing her shot while Sam just rolled his eyes. "You know you should try it sometime."

"Yeah, you seem fine about everything now," he remarked as she grabbed the bottle, refilling her glass.

"Oh and you're handling this all so well."

"Shut up," he warned her. He wasn't, not one bit but he was trying. Taking a deep breath he ran a hand over his face before muttering, "I've never sat outside my ex's apartment for a whole night." Quickly he grabbed his glass before drinking. The day he had found out where she really was he had ended up outside her place. He didn't know why he had done it but he had, apparently wallowing was his way of getting through this.

"God you're pathetic," Gail huffed as he dropped his glass back onto the bar. Shaking his head, Sam pushed himself off his seat; he knew this was a bad idea.

"Yeah well enjoy your…" But he didn't get a chance to finish.

"Urgh Sam wait," she told him, grabbing hold of his arm as he just watched her. "I've never called my ex's phone, even though I know he doesn't have it, just to hear his voice." And then she was downing the liquid.

"Yeah," Sam said as he grabbed his shot, following suit but still refusing to sit back down.

"Come on I'm sorry ok, just stay and get drunk with me. Who else am I gonna talk to about this?" Unclenching his fists he snorted, taking a look around the bar before nodding.

"Fine, but I'm not exactly big on the whole talking thing," he told her as he retook his seat.

"Me neither," she said as he quirked his eyebrow at he, she had been pretty talkative so far. "Not when it's important at least."

Sam couldn't help but nod at her statement, she had a point and he was pretty similar. "I've never been good at talking things through."

Grabbing his glass he knocked the shot back before slamming it down on the bar and running his hand over his face. Every problem with Andy, it was always a lack of communication on one of their parts. Usually his if he was being brutally honest with himself. Hell it had taken the threat of imminent death for him to confess his true feelings to her. If that wasn't a wakeup call to him about needing to talk more then he didn't know what was. The only problem was that she was the only one he wanted to try being more open and honest with and now she was gone. Why couldn't he just have told her how he felt beforehand? Why couldn't he have just told her he loved her when she had told him?

"Sam…Jesus Swarek snap out of it."

"Sorry," he mumbled, turning back to face Gail and sliding his glass over so she could refill it.

"We need to stop moping."

"You're moping? Pretty sure I'm moping and you're just angry."

"I've not spent the last six nights by myself, in front of my TV watching shitty films, eating ice cream and drinking the memories away," she huffed, downing her shot before looking back to him. "So yeah I was moping, I am…I dunno…right now I'm angry, I switch between them and at this point in time being angry is easier. You telling me you're not angry she left without saying anything, because for the last week you've been having a go at everyone for everything…"

"Yes, ok I'm angry she left without saying anything happy now?" he snapped.

"Well at least you're being honest for once," she told him as he just snorted, what right did she have to talk to him like that?"

"Why the hell did I agree to come here?"

"Because I'm the only person who has any idea what you're going through and you're the only person who has any idea what I'm going through, and I can't take another night in front of that TV by myself wondering what the hell they're doing or why they didn't care enough to tell us the truth. I mean how hard is it to send a text? To make a call? Write a note? Just something but nothing…guess that's exactly what I meant to…"

"Peck." He cut her off but he had no idea what to say, he just needed to stop her. What she was saying…he had been through it, thought about it a hundred different times. He didn't know if Andy was too mad at him to let him know, if she wanted him to suffer or if she actually couldn't tell him. What he did know was that there was no sense in Gail tormenting herself as much he had been. "A lot of these things, you can't tell people. You get picked up with ten minutes' notice. You have to pack a bag, leave your phone and everything else behind and a lot of the time…you're not allowed to tell…"

"Bullshit, you can't just disappear. You tell people you're taking another job, you're going on holiday…I dunno something to explain why you're not going to be there. What you don't do is just disappear without saying anything…"

"You do sometimes, sometimes there really isn't time." That was true, he had been there before. Whether Andy and Nick had though...that he didn't know.

"You defending them?"

"I don't know, I don't know what happened. The only people who do are God knows where and I have no idea when they're coming back," Sam told her deciding to leave out the 'if they come back'. Gail was already upset enough, there was no point making it worse.

After that both of them decided on silence for a few minutes. Sam found himself rolling his shot glass along the counter as he tried to decide what to do. So far all he had managed to do was become angrier at Andy leaving. Gail was right she should have said something. Surely she had time to let him know in some way but then the nagging voice came back, telling him that he had been under enough times to know that she may not have.

"I've never streaked." Hearing Gail's voice Sam turned to face her before watching her drink her shot. As her eyes met his he just narrowed his eyebrows at her, surely he couldn't have heard right.

"Did you…"

"Talking about it isn't helping…I don't want to spend another night thinking about it…so yeah time for…"

"More of your secrets," he finished for her as she nodded. "When the hell did you even do all this stuff?"

"College, being a Peck it was the first and only time I got to rebel so I pretty much did everything," She told him as she grabbed the bottle before refilling her glass. "So you never streaked?"

"Not voluntarily."

"What's that mean?"

"Stolen clothes." He shook his head at the memory of his so called friends who had taken it upon themselves to leave him in the showers with nothing.

"Did anyone see you?"

"Oh yeah, this girl I had a crush on saw everything," Sam said as Gail laughed.

"It counts, drink," she told him as he nodded his head before complying with her request. It appeared Gail was back to her mission of drinking as fast as possible, his glass being refilled only a second after it landed back on the bar.

"Okay I've never…"

"No depressing ones…preferably embarrassing ones," she told him.

"It goes without saying that if you repeat anything I ever tell you…"

"You'll make my life a living hell and if you repeat anything…well you've seen the pictures of Nick. Only this time I won't have to use pictures."

"You're very threatening sometimes, you know that?"

"Yep, so spill."

"I've never handcuffed Oliver to a lamppost…naked," he said before downing his shot. Looking to Gail he could see a mix of emotions on her face.

"I said embarrassing not terrifying. Urgh why would you..."

"Stag do," he explained. He and the rest of the party were very drunk and it seemed like the right thing to do.

"Okay it makes sense, but let's limit the naked old men images next time."

"Will do."

"Good, I've never written poetry." Sam just watched her as she did nothing. "Really?"

"Really what?" he asked.

"You haven't."

"No, why the hell would you think…"

"Thought you might be the type, you know acts all tough and whatnot but is really writing poetry and knows way too much about flowers…"

"And what exactly gave you that impression?" he asked, still baffled as to why she thought he would be that person.

"Just a hunch, which was clearly wrong. So your go."

"I've never..." Sam started, he was going to regret this one but Gail was right. They needed a distraction. "I've never had my legs waxed." Scrunching up his face he downed his shot not bothering to look at Gail who was already laughing.

"You…really you…I…"

"My sister…I made the mistake of saying it couldn't be as painful as she made out…"

"She made you back yourself," Gail interrupted as he nodded. "Scream like a girl?"

"I was sixteen so yeah. No idea why anyone in their right mind would put themselves through that more than once."

"Makes us look pretty." Gail smirked as he grabbed the bottle and started refilling their glasses. "So you have a sister?"

"Yeah Sarah, she lives in St. Catharines."

"You kept that pretty quiet."

"No reason to bring it up." He shrugged.

"Yeah," Gail muttered, "So I've never been on a UFO hunt." Feeling a small smile on lips Sam just watched as Gail downed her shot. Gail and UFO's, that was not one he would have put money on.

"You…" But he stopped as he realised the answer. "College?"

"Oh yeah."

"Well if I ever see anything I'll let you know…unless the government wipes my brain first"

"Shut up, it was a onetime thing."

"Okay, okay, just never had you down as a UFO hunter."

"And I never had you down as the type to wax your legs."

"Fair enough." He nodded, watching as he swirled the liquid in his glass around.

"You think Nick and Andy's breakup buddy talks were as fun as this?" Gail asked as he looked over to her.

"No way." He shook his head; he imagined there was a great deal more crying, ice cream and bitching about him involved.

"Yeah me neither. Don't think Nick has as many secrets as you."

"Don't think Andy has as many as you," he agreed.

"Huh," Gail muttered as he watched her closely.

"What?"

"We're the ones with all the secrets yet we don't know where they are, makes a change." She had a point with that, probably the universes idea of a cruel joke.

"So not talking about depressing stuff then?" he asked, wanting desperately to change the topic. For the rest of tonight he just wanted to forget that she was gone.

"Oh yeah, so wanna play pool?" she asked.

"Remember how well that ended last time?" He had never played a game that had lasted so long.

"Fine darts?"

"I think that might be a hazard to the other customers." He was certain that darts after the amount they had drunk would end up with someone getting injured, especially after seeing Gail's aim when they played pool last time.

"Sam…"

"Fine, fine pool it is." It couldn't be any worse than last time.

"Good, think I could tape Nick's head to the cue ball?"

"Angry again are we?" He smirked, hopping off the bar stool and grabbing the bottle and their glasses.

"Never stopped," she told him as they made their way over to the table. "So still regret agreeing to come for a drink?" Sam took a moment before answering. To begin with he had, he had come very close to just walking out but then...he wasn't even sure what had changed. They had decided not to think about it and he had actually found himself smiling at some of Gail's confessions.

"No, no you were right," he agreed, especially about knowing what he was going through. At the very least she had a better idea than most.

"Great, that means you're paying next time as well."

"There's gonna be a next time?" he asked.

"You okay with everything that's happened?"

"No." He shook his head; the anger was certainly still there.

"Then there's gonna be a next time," she told him.

"And I'm paying again because…"

"I was right, when I stop being right I'll pay," she told him as he just nodded. He didn't care and Gail had been right about tonight, it was much better than sitting home alone.

"We could just decide over a game of pool," he suggested as he grabbed the cues.

"I may be slightly drunk but I'm not stupid. Now have you got some tape?" She asked as Sam shook his head, biting back his smile and wondering how many of these drinking sessions he and Gail would require before they were ok with everything that had happened.


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey guys, sorry it took so long to get this one up but it's finally done (ended up being way longer than I planned but oh well). _

_Again thank you for all the reviews and also a special thanks to deedee920 for her suggestions :)_

**Chapter 3:**

Feeling the vibrations from his pocket Sam quickly pulled his phone out to see Peck's name on the screen.

_Penny now, I need a drink!_

Shaking his head Sam pulled his jacket on. He really didn't feel like being sociable tonight, but before he had time to think of an excuse his phone vibrated again.

_Wasn't asking either, so don't think you have a choice!_

Groaning Sam shoved the phone back into his pocket before heading out to his truck. It had been a month since Andy had disappeared. Three weeks since he and Gail had started their therapy sessions of playing 'I never' and attempting to be honest with each other. On their second night of drinking together they had both finally admitted that not being honest was one of the biggest problems with their previous relationships. Although the admission had only come after a whole bottle of tequila. Of course after that much to drink they had both decided it couldn't be too hard and so had made a deal to be honest with each other. Even though how they reached the agreement was somewhat hazy the deal itself was not something either of them forgot.

At first it had been hard, painfully hard from what Sam remembered. Being honest with someone about everything was not something either of them was used to, but somehow they had come to some sort of mutual understanding. Whatever was said during these sessions was never to be repeated and it was working…sort of. Very slowly they were learning how to talk to each other. Somehow putting the words 'I never' in front of confessions seemed to make it easier, made it seem less personal and the alcohol certainly didn't hurt either.

The process also involved a lot of arguing and insulting, since neither was afraid to let the other know exactly what they thought, but it actually seemed to help. In hindsight Sam wished Andy had forced him to play this, forced him to be more open with her but then he wasn't sure if she would have been able to. He had been pretty guarded after everything with Brennan and it was only now that he was willing to try to be more open and honest about problems instead of running from them. Of course, just as with the rest of their relationship, their timing was perfect because now that he was ready she was gone.

* * *

Opening the door to the Penny he spotted Gail sitting at the bar, two shots in front of her.

"Finally," she greeted him as he took the seat next to her.

"I could have had plans you know."

"Yeah right, you don't have plans," she told him as she handed him a shot. All Sam could do was nod, it was true after all. For the last three weeks the only plans he had, apart from working, were drinking with Gail. Even though they had found a way to talk to each other he hadn't managed it with anyone else yet, not that there were many people anyway. Noelle and Frank had their new baby and Oliver was trying to fix his marriage. Even so, over the last month they had all tried to talk to him but it never ended well. Typically their conversations ended with him storming off or lying his way out of the situation unless it was purely work related. As Gail said not many people really understood what they were going through.

"So what's up?" he asked, shaking the thoughts from his head.

"Well you're my breakup buddy so…" she started as he nodded but that was as far as she got. Sam just watched as she fiddled with the glass in front of her, he was sure he hadn't seen her look so nervous before. "Well I um…I…I've never been about to get married on this day."

Feeling his jaw drop open at her revelation Sam just watched, completely speechless, as she downed her shot before calling the bartender over, all the while avoiding his gaze. Well now he knew why he was here.

"What can I get you?" the guy asked.

"Tequila," Gail said, tapping her hand on the bar, still avoiding his gaze.

"Better bring the bottle," Sam told him as he finally found his voice before grabbing his wallet, he had a feeling they would be needing it.

Nodding the bartender disappeared for a few seconds before setting a bottle down in front of them. "Here you go."

"Thanks," Sam said, handing over the money as Gail finally looked at him.

"I…" she started, holding up her purse but he shook his head, he couldn't believe this was the time she was actually going to pay.

"I got it," he told her, this one at least made sense. Last week she had forced him to come out drinking after hearing Oliver hum 'You ain't nothing but a hound dog'. For the life of him he couldn't understand why that required drinking but he had agreed anyway.

"Thanks," she mumbled as she refilled her glass.

"So Nick hey?" he asked as she downed another shot. Well their general code was drink if true and don't if not, so he took that as a yes.

"Yeah what a catch, ditches me twice. Once before we...you know and the other for that stupid task force but hey at least he's consistent."

"How's that?"

"Doesn't tell me anything just disappears," she explained as Sam let out a breath, tonight was going to be a long night.

"You kept that one pretty quiet, no idea you knew him before."

"Yeah well…" But she stopped as he let out a yawn. "Oh I'm sorry, am I boring you?"

"I've had a long day." He shook his head as he grabbed the bottle and refilled her glass.

"Yeah, saw you in with Frank, what were you talking about?"

A way for him to move on with his life but after her outburst the only words that left his mouth were, "Is that any of your business?" Immediately she narrowed her eyes, glaring at him.

"So how's the whole sharing thing working out for you?" she spat as Sam rolled his eyes.

"How's avoiding the subject working out for you?" he countered.

"I wasn't. You yawned, so clearly I was boring you."

"It couldn't have just been that I was tired?" he asked. This was not unusual, it was quite easy for one of them to get worked up about something and take it out on the other.

"Maybe."

"Wanna start this conversation again?" he asked. Luckily neither of them ever took it personally. This understanding they had come to made it quite easy to deal with, in fact Sam was sure he was getting better at letting things go.

"Yeah," she sighed as he nodded a little before watching her rest her head in her hand, focusing her eyes on the glass in front of her. After a minute of silence he finally decided to speak up, he had a feeling he was going to be doing most of the talking tonight.

"So you and Nick almost got hitched then?"

"You're a jerk," she mumbled.

"So I've been told, now stop avoiding the subject and just get on with your rant about G.I. Joe."

"Fine," she huffed before pausing, "Uh…I don't really know what I was going to say."

"He left you at the altar?" Sam asked. Clearly she wanted to talk about it, so he would just have to ask questions until they got to the point where he couldn't shut her up and she was listing off ways to maim him...just like last week.

"Kinda."

"What does kinda mean?"

"It was Vegas," Gail muttered as Sam arched his eyebrow. Gail Peck getting married in Vegas…hell Gail Peck getting married was enough of a shock.

"You were going to have a Vegas wedding?" he asked, still in disbelief as she nodded. "Gezze the more I learn, the more I wonder who you've been the last few years."

"Yeah well I grew up."

"So what happened?" he asked, still trying to process the information. Of all the things she could have told him he really hadn't been expecting that and after three weeks of drinking with her he thought he was prepared for anything.

"Wish I knew, I…one minute he wanted it and the next he's gone and then its god knows how many years later and he's at the station telling me it wasn't real…" she trailed off as Sam just watched her spin her glass on the table. He was pretty sure he was still in shock. Peck and Collins almost getting hitched in Vegas with one of those dodgy Elvis impersonators conducting the…oh well now he understood last week's drinking session.

"So was it real to you? I mean Vegas marriages aren't…"

"I know…but yeah…it felt real enough to me," she muttered, still spinning her glass on the table. "God I hate him."

"Sorry," he offered her. He wasn't good at comforting people but he knew how to deal with hate. "Wanna put pictures on the dart board? Play pool…"

"No," Gail shook her head before looking up to him, "no I...actually, can I ask a favour?"

"Shoot."

"Can you be my T.O. tomorrow? I swear Oliver's practising for some sort of Elvis tribute and if he sings one more song I'm going to punch him." Sam couldn't help but chuckle at that. "So is that a yes?"

"It's a yes." He nodded. "If you do one thing for me." He had been thinking about it for a while. Although Gail kept up her tough demeanour he knew that she was still terrified about what had happened to her. He also knew that Nick had been helping her through it but had just upped and left her without so much as a goodbye.

"What?"

"Get a cab home tonight." Since he had accidently brought it up that first night at the Penny he had avoided the subject like the plague, instead offering to walk her home after every drinking session. However it had been a month now, a month in which he knew she still hadn't fully dealt with what had happened.

"No, Sam no…" She looked horrified at the suggestion as he held up his hand to silence her.

"Just hear me out. After we finish drinking we get a cab to yours. I'll get out with you so it'll look like we're both staying there and then later I'll leave and walk back home…"

"No…No I can't…why would…"

"Because at some point you need to face this thing…" He knew she didn't want to, knew she was happier pretending it didn't happen and avoiding the subject but the truth of the matter was that she couldn't live like that.

"But I'm fine, the shrink cleared me…"

"You're talking to someone who knows exactly how easy it is to get cleared when you shouldn't be," he told her forcefully, even if she didn't agree to his plan tonight he was going to keep trying to get her to face it. Nearly everyone else seemed to have moved on from Gail's kidnapping, but he knew it was still affecting her and helping her deal with it would give him something more meaningful to do with his life instead of waiting for Andy.

"Sam I…"

"What? Are you never going to get a cab again?" he cut her off, he knew it sounded harsh but he couldn't let her hide from it anymore.

"Maybe, what does it matter?"

"What matters is you can't let this thing, this fear control you." He had been there before. After Brennan he had told everyone that he was fine when in reality he was plagued with flashbacks of being tortured. He had been expecting the nightmares but it was the small things that really got to him. A dripping tap in his bathroom was the first, his brain forcing him to relive being waterboarded on a constant loop until the noise stopped. He'd tried to fix it, had come dangerously close to ripping the damn thing out in his sleep deprived and injured state as the noise taunted him, but eventually he had solved it. The second time it was a smell that caught him unaware. The smell of Brennan's cologne while he was walking through a store, causing his breathing to become laboured as his brain forced him to remember being strangled.

"It doesn't control me." Gail shook her head as he swallowed hard, forcing the thoughts from his mind. He had dealt with it, now it was time to help Gail deal with her fear.

"So prove it. Just get a cab home. I'll come with you..."

"Sam…" she started, closing her eyes and dropping her head down.

"You can do it," he told her, placing his hand on her back and squeezing her shoulder before looking back at his shot and deciding they needed a distraction. "So I've never worn makeup." He just waited until Gail looked round to him before he took his shot. She looked utterly defeated but followed his lead.

"Sister?" she asked, her voice barely audible but he heard.

"Who else?" He smirked, grabbing the bottle and refilling their glasses.

"So you seriously won't be my T.O. if I…"

"But you can, so yes I'll be your T.O tomorrow," he cut her off.

"But if I can't…"

"You can," he told her as she shook her head. "Will you at least give it a go? We can get out at any point if you change your mind," he tried but still she shook her head. "I'll wear a mask of Nick and box with you tomorrow if you do." That at least got a shaky laugh from her.

"I'd destroy you."

"Only one way to find out," he said but she just sighed. For a few moments he waited patiently for her to speak, hoping that he hadn't brought it up too soon but it had been a month since he had noticed. Almost three months since the incident had actually occurred and she needed to move on.

"Okay." Her voice was almost a whisper but he heard it.

"Okay...That's the Peck I know." He nodded before attempting to distract her again. "So your go."

"Yeah I...I've never told my ex that I loved them," Gail sighed as Sam snapped his head round to her, seeing the tears threatening to fall from her eyes. He probably should have specified no depressing ones but what was done was done. For a moment he just held her gaze before taking his shot. "I thought Nick said…"

"Yeah well at that point I hadn't," he mumbled, dropping his head down so it was just millimetres from the bar. He had been ok when he was focused on helping Gail but now…now everything he had been feeling the past month was forcing its way to the forefront of his mind.

"So when did you?" she asked as he just snorted, shaking his head slightly. It was just another example of perfect timing in their relationship.

"Day she left," he told her as he looked back up; forcing a smile on his face but Gail just wore a look of pity.

"Sorry."

"Not your fault." He shrugged, he should have told her before.

"God she's just as stupid and selfish as Nick," Gail scoffed but he shook his head. He was stupid, he'd had her and he'd let her go…worse than that he had forced her to go when he had broken up with her. "I mean you're not blameless in this whole thing but seriously you tell her you love her and she still doesn't let you know she's going…"

"Yeah I know," he cut her off, he had thought about it way too much.

"You know since Nick's been back…I haven't told him that I love him." Running a hand through his hair he tilted his head in her direction. He had to admit Gail and Nick were certainly stiff competition for messed up relationship of the year.

"So you still love him? Even after everything?" he asked as Gail shrugged. A few minutes ago she had been adamant that she hated him, although over the past month he had gone from hating Andy to loving her within seconds so he knew how easily feelings could change.

"I think so, I mean I did the first time, I really did but then he left and…"

"You built up defences," Sam finished for her as she nodded.

"And then he came back and I couldn't say no. You know, I knew it was a bad idea, he left once so what was to stop him but…"

"You can never say no to that person," Sam finished again as Gail nodded. He knew that all too well. After Brennan, Andy had left him. Sam would be the first to admit he was far from perfect but Andy had left him first and like he had said to Gail he had built up defences, tried to stop himself getting hurt, but as soon as she stepped back into his life he couldn't say no to her. He should have made more decisions in their relationship instead of doing everything the way she wanted. Maybe that way they would have been in a better place when Jerry died, but the truth was he had gone along with what she wanted because he just wanted her to be happy. "So what about now?"

"Well the pain I'm feeling says I do...so I guess I do."

"But you didn't tell him."

"Just like you I'm pretty bad at confessing my feelings for someone."

"Only took a bomb for me to do it," he snorted, shaking his head.

"Yeah and I only gave Nick a proper chance after I was kidnapped and Jer…" Gail started before looking at him. "Sam I'm sorry I…"

"What you never gonna mention him again? Jerry died, doesn't mean he should be forgotten."

"It's just…"

"Wasn't anyone's fault apart from the man who killed him. Jerry was a good friend, the best friend you could ever ask for and I don't intend to let the guy that killed him take that away from me by forcing me not to talk about him," he told her as she just nodded. He truly believed that now. For the first two months he hated hearing people talk about him, it was just another reminder that he had failed to save his friend but at some point he had come round to thinking about him again, to being able to speak his name without the gut wrenching pain attached to it.

"Do you think we're broken?" Gail's question brought him out of his thoughts.

"Huh?" He wasn't sure what she was talking about.

"I mean it takes kidnappers and bombs before we can admit our feelings, that's not right is it?"

"Sure there are worse people out there." He shrugged, although she had a point. It did not take impending death for most people to express how they felt.

"Yeah the ones that aren't allowed sharp objects and have bouncy rooms."

"I've always liked the idea of a bouncy room," he said trying to lighten the mood, he was certain they had talked more seriously in the last forty minutes then they had for the whole of their last drinking session and he wasn't sure how much more he could deal with tonight.

"Shut up. I mean seriously neither of us is good at sharing anything, we just make jokes or distract people or run from the problem. That's not a sign of a normal person is it?"

"Normal is um...not exactly something I believe in so much…"

"Yeah but come on, I mean when were you ever truly honest with Andy?" she asked as he sighed.

"Day she left," he muttered, how he wished things had been different but as much as he wanted to, he couldn't change the past.

"And that was only because she almost died. I still didn't tell Nick I loved him even after I almost died so surely there's something really wrong with me…with us."

"We have trust issues and we're not good at opening up." He shrugged, that was pretty much the gist of it as far as he was concerned.

"Yeah and its sucks because people around us get hurt…"

"We do too," he sighed, cutting her off.

"Yeah well I don't want it to be like this anymore. I'm sick of being…"

"Gail…you're not. We're working on it remember," he told her, holding her gaze for a moment before exhaling sharply. Maybe her earlier observation had been right, maybe they really were broken. "Look why don't you try branching out from our wonderful drinking sessions and attempt this honesty thing with someone else." As well as this was going, he had to admit they probably stood a better chance with someone who already knew how to be open about their feelings.

"Don't know if you've noticed but I'm not exactly everyone's favourite person."

"Pot," he said pointing at her before pointing to himself, "Kettle."

"Which is why we make such a good pair."

"Yeah," he snorted. "But it's been a month and there are other people that have been affected by this. I mean why don't you try Nash, since Andy's gone…she could probably use someone to talk to." He had spoken to her a few times since Andy's disappearance, possibly the only person he hadn't yelled at, but he still hadn't been honest with her. The first time she had cornered him he had insisted that he was fine before asking how she and Leo were. Every conversation after that he always deflected the questions about how he was, instead distracting her by talking about Leo or even Jerry more recently. He knew Nash was just trying to help and clearly she missed Andy too but he couldn't talk to her, couldn't burden her with his problems when she already had so much going on in her life.

"I guess…maybe." Gail shrugged before looking to him. "But if I have to talk to her then you have talk to Oliver."

Opening his mouth to speak Sam promptly shut it again, it seemed like a fair deal, however he and Oliver were not on the best terms right now. He knew it was his fault, knew he owed Oliver an apology; in fact he probably owed one to the whole division, but he still wasn't sure he was ready. Rubbing a hand over his face he drew in a breath before nodding. "Okay."

"Really? That easy?"

"Yeah...I'm thinking it's time for a new me," he said before looking back to his glass. He knew he should have realised it before but life was short. Jerry's death proved that, proved that time shouldn't be wasted.

"Really?"

"Really, I'm getting bored of angry, wallowing me," he told her before picking up his glass, now he just needed to act on his realisation. "So I've never been offered a job as a detective." Seconds later he was drinking the liquid before placing the glass back on the counter.

"Is that what you were talking to Frank about?" she asked as he nodded.

"Yeah, since Jerry…and now Luke's gone...they need someone else, so he mentioned it to me." He had told Frank he would think about it but now he was certain he was going to do it.

"That…uh that's great."

"Don't look so happy, you've still got me as a T.O. for the next few weeks. Got some wonderful courses to go on and some tests to pass before I actually move to the D's."

"Sounds fun."

"Yeah well as I said time for a new me."

"Didn't think you'd get over this so easily."

"Peck…I'm not, but I refuse to sit around waiting for her to walk back into my life. Gotta do something for me, which is why you should get a cab home tonight and start doing something for yourself."

"Yeah maybe."

"Ok then, now let's stop with this depressing stuff. Sure you've got another crazy college story for me," he told her, he had had enough serious discussions for one night, now he just wanted a distraction.

"Too many." She offered him a small smile before picking up her glass. "I've never pole danced."

"Of course you have." He smirked as she took her shot.

"Hey that wasn't at college that was when I was out with your…with Andy. The night before Traci started her detective rotation."

"Ah yeah, you guys were all hung over I remember, smart move."

"Yeah well it was at the time."

"Ok well I've never worn a dress," he said as Gail looked up in time to see him drink his shot.

"Seriously?" she asked as she took hers.

"Oh yeah." He smirked, biting down on his lip as Gail started laughing.

"You…how…when?"

"When we were in the academy. Me, Jerry and Ollie got extremely drunk and made this bet…I don't even remember what it was now, but I lost and that was the forfeit. Ollie borrowed one of Zoe's…maybe around the time Zoe started to dislike me." He shrugged at the memory. "But anyway me in this…I don't know, dress with my boots on and yeah apparently when I was in my twenties I could pass as a woman from behind."

"That's…I really need to see pictures," she laughed.

"I'm pretty sure I destroyed all the evidence." He couldn't stop the smile on his face at the memory. That was the other good thing about these sessions; he could actually relax a little, smile and even laugh sometimes.

"Ok so um...I've never entered a Britney Spears lookalike competition."

"Oh wow, that's…"

"Shut up," she told him as she took her shot. "It was…"

"College," he finished for her. He was certain that about 80% of her confessions were from when she was at college.

"A very drunk college night."

"How did you do?"

"Third place…I think…it's all kinda hazy after I threw up on one of the guys that entered with me."

"Nice," he said as he grabbed the bottle and made to fill up her glass but she put her hand over it. "What's up? I've seen you drink way more before…"

"Were you serious about getting a cab back?" she asked as he felt the smile vanish from his face.

"Yeah, but if you're not ready then…"

"No, no I just…if we do I don't want to be drunk…I mean I've only had like five shots so far so…liquid courage right."

"Okay." He nodded, putting the bottle down on the bar, he had been certain she was going to back out but apparently she wanted to change as well. "Want me to book one?"

"Yeah," she stuttered, closing her eyes and taking a few sharp breaths. Nodding at her request Sam pulled out his phone and booked a cab before attempting to amuse her with more of his academy stories. When he finally received a text from the cab company, telling him their car was outside, he pulled on his jacket and picked up the bottle of tequila, at Gail's insistence. Apparently there was no way they were leaving that much behind when they had paid for it. Sam had just shaken his head, as much as he had wanted to point out that they meant he, he had decided against it. Instead he had just followed her outside but as soon as the cab was in view he noticed her stop dead. Turning to face her he could see the fear in her eyes, so maybe this wasn't his best idea.

"You okay?" he asked while she shrugged. Sam was sure she looked paler than normal. "Still want to do this?" Again she shrugged but then took a step towards the cab.

"I...uh yeah," she muttered, taking another step. "I mean I guess it's time for a new me too." And then she was walking past him.

"Okay." He nodded before hurrying after her. "But if at any point you want to stop…"

"I know, I know." Her voice wavered as she spoke but Sam didn't mention it as he opened the door for her. Instead he just climbed into the cab and gave the driver the name of her street before pulling on his seatbelt. To start with the ride was silent as he watched Gail. All the colour had drained from her face and she alternated from frantically looking around to squeezing her eyes shut.

"Hey," he whispered, trying to get her attention. He needed to distract her, needed to stop the thoughts she was undoubtedly having right now. "Peck." Looking down he noticed her death grip on the seat and so grabbed hold of her hand before speaking again. "Gail."

"Yeah?" Hearing the terror in her voice Sam suddenly felt incredibly guilty, maybe he had done this too soon.

"You okay?" he asked as he held onto her hand, hoping that it would provide her with some reassurance.

"Yeah, yeah fine." She nodded completely unconvincingly.

"If you want to get…"

"I know…I can do this." She nodded at him before tightening her grip on his hand as they went over a speed bump.

"Okay." He nodded before deciding to try another tactic. "So I've never been to a Backstreet boys gig."

"What?"

"Girlfriend I had really like them so she dragged me along…"

"What are you doing?" she asked, still sounding absolutely terrified.

"Thought it was my go."

"Uh...we're not drinking."

"Yeah but apparently you can do this talking thing without drinking." He smirked.

"Shut up," she snapped, taking her hand from his and hitting him. "You went…"

"I wanted to get laid, thought it would score me points. Apparently I was right." He grinned at her as she shook her head.

"You're such a…"

"Wonderful, good looking…"

"Arrogant, irritating…"

"Awesome…"

"Jerk," she told him as he chuckled but before he got a chance to speak again the driver interrupted them.

"Here we are folks." Quickly he pulled out his wallet, handing over a few bills to cover the journey before looking back to find Gail staring at the door.

"Sometime today Peck," he said. For a moment he was sure she hadn't heard him but then she pushed the door open and climbed out of the cab. Thanking the driver Sam followed after her, coming to halt by her side as the cab drove away. "So it wasn't too bad hey."

"Uh yeah…yeah that was…" But she didn't finish as she bent down letting out a shaky breath.

"It's ok, he doesn't know where you live, I only gave him the name of the street and he thinks I'm staying. It's gonna be fine," he told her as he waited next to her.

"Yeah, yeah…uh you want a drink…like could you stay for a bit, just…"

"Yeah of course." He nodded as he watched her, hoping he had done the right thing tonight. "So let me guess what we're drinking…tequila?"

"I uh...I've actually got some vodka if you would prefer."

"Why not, new me may prefer it." He shrugged.

"Yeah well new me might throw up."

"Okay then, let's get inside before you decorate the pavement," he told her as he grabbed hold of her arm, pulling her up and dragging her over to the front door.

For the rest of the night they continued with their normal therapy session. They still managed to avoid some of the harder questions or at least avoid going into great detail about them but they were making progress. At 2am Gail finally decided it was time to get some sleep so Sam had pulled on his coat but after seeing the look of terror back on her face he had asked to sleep on the couch, telling her he was too tired to walk home. Of course Gail didn't point out that he could have taken a cab or that clearly he had been about to leave until he saw her face. Instead she had chucked a blanket at him, warning him that she was a light sleeper and would hurt him if he woke her up with his snoring before walking off to her bedroom.

Sam hadn't even had a chance to tell her that he didn't snore before she had slammed her bedroom door shut. Biting back his smile he had just kicked off his shoes before setting up his make shift bed on the couch. He knew they both still had a long way to go. That they still had many issues to work through but they were trying. Yes it had taken some very serious situations to make them want to change who they were but that didn't matter anymore. What mattered was that finally they were both willing to do something about it. Sam couldn't help but replay Oliver's words of advice...grow or die. Well the new him was ready to grow. Starting from tomorrow he was moving on with his life. He would make amends with his friends, find a better way to deal with his anger and start the process of becoming a detective because he was done with wallowing.


	4. Chapter 4

_Thank you again for all the reviews and I'm sorry it took so long to get this up._

_I'm afraid I won't be turning this into a Peck/Swarek romance. I know some of you would prefer it but I think that at this point in time they're both still in love with other people so I can't see them becoming more than just good friends. Hopefully you'll still enjoy it though :)_

**Chapter 4:**

"Detective Swarek." Hearing Traci's voice Sam straightened his back before looking over his shoulder and attempting to locate her.

"Wow Detective Swarek…that sounds weird right, I'm not the only one that thinks it's weird am I?" Gail muttered as he gave up looking for Traci in the sea of people and turned back to face Gail.

"No weird for me too," he agreed. It had been three months since Andy and Nick's disappearance. Two months since he had decided to become a detective and one hour since Frank had told him he had the job. As soon as he had stepped outside Frank's office Gail had dragged him to the Penny, apparently celebrating tonight was non-negotiable, even though he was sure the news still hadn't fully registered with his brain. Detective Swarek…yeah Gail was right, it sounded weird.

Feeling a hand on his shoulder Sam immediately looked to his right to find Traci standing next to him. "Here you go partner." She grinned as she placed a shot down in front of him.

"Uh…thanks." He nodded before looking to the shot…it was tequila. Chewing on his lip he turned back to Gail, this was not normally his drink of choice and he had a feeling she may have influenced Traci's decision.

"Yeah, so I may have told her it was your new favourite drink," she whispered, grinning from ear to ear as he shook his head, why did that not surprise him?

"So Detective Swarek, excited?" Traci asked as he refocused his attention to her.

"I guess." He shrugged; he had hardly put any thought into it if he was honest. For the last two months he had been so focused on getting the job that he really had no idea how to feel now that he had it, he guessed he was happy.

"You guess? You don't have to wear that uniform anymore, you don't have to run the speed trap…

"You have lots of paperwork, get stuck in an office…" Gail cut in.

"Don't have to drive rookies around anymore…"

"You have to…"

"Okay, okay," he interrupted them, holding his hands up as some sort of defence from their comments. It was like having the angel and devil sat on his shoulder only this time it was two devils. "Why don't we just get some drinks and celebrate?"

"No need, no need. Got you covered brother." Hearing Oliver's voice Sam twisted his head round to find him standing next to Traci before seeing the glass in his hand, the one being pushed in his direction.

"Thanks." He nodded, grabbing hold of the glass filled with whiskey. So he guessed Peck hadn't managed to convince Oliver that tequila was his new favourite drink.

"No problem, after this the rest of the drinks are on you." Oliver smirked as Sam just shook his head. "Hey you're the one who had to go and get a fancy new job, leave some of us to deal with the rookies."

"Yeah, well you could always join me if you wanted." He shrugged.

"Maybe one day, but all that paperwork seems like way too much effort. So for tonight I think it's time for a toast. To the new Detective Swarek." Raising his glasses Sam downed the shot before taking a sip of his whiskey. "Sounds weird doesn't it? Now Detective Shaw that just rolls off the tongue but Detective Swarek..."

"Exactly, Detective Peck sounds awesome," Gail chipped in.

"And Detective Nash is just a perfect fit," Traci added her thoughts as Sam rolled his eyes, biting back a smile. Two months ago he would have found it hard to picture this situation but somehow he had managed to apologise to his friends for having to endure his wallowing phase.

It had all started with the agreement he and Gail had made two months ago; he had to talk to Oliver if she talked to Nash. Even though Gail had talked to Traci the day after their deal was made it had taken him a few days to build up the courage to actually talk to Oliver and then another day to work out how to apologise. In the end he had gone to Oliver's favourite diner, picked up his favourite meal and then handed it to him whilst mumbling an apology. Oliver's face had been priceless; going through a hundred emotions in just as many seconds, but thankfully once he had composed himself he hadn't made a big deal about it. Instead Oliver had just asked if he wanted to join him for lunch and Sam had agreed. It had been rather awkward but Oliver kept the conversation light, talking about hockey and the cases they were working, until they were both called away to a robbery in progress.

Thankfully after Sam's initial attempt at reconciling their friendship Oliver took it upon himself to ensure that the small amount of progress was not lost. The next day Oliver had dropped a bag of Chinese food down on his desk before grabbing a seat and joining him for lunch again. Somehow without ever discussing it lunch became a regular appointment, just as his drinking sessions with Gail. It had taken him and Oliver a few days before they stopped walking on eggshells around each other and almost a month before they could discuss the topic of Andy without Sam shutting down straight away. He had actually tried every time Oliver brought it up, had tried to be honest and talk to him but it was hard. For some reason talking to Peck about Andy was easier, as she kept telling him they were both going through the same thing.

No matter how painful it was he kept trying and very slowly he was getting better at talking to Oliver and even Noelle and Frank. After three weeks Oliver had taken it upon himself to help him branch out some more, inviting Noelle and Frank to join them for lunch. Sam had not been overly fond of the idea to start with, had kept pretty quiet for the first few lunches that they had shared, but then Peck had caught wind of the situation and given him a lecture. The next day he had forced himself to make more of an effort, had even offered to hold their new baby, who Noelle brought along every lunch time for Frank to see.

Since then the lunches were much better and recently Sam had actually found himself looking forward to them, to reliving the stories of when they were in the academy. He guessed it was safe to say he was finally making progress. Taking another sip of his whiskey he looked around before noticing that all eyes were on him and realising that he should probably say something. "Well I'm sorry my name doesn't fit the title as well all of yours apparently do."

"It's ok brother you can just buy us some drinks to make it up to us." Oliver smirked, patting his back.

"Yeah I'll even let you chose, you know, since you did something useful with your life," Gail told him.

"Cheers guys." He nodded.

"Not a problem." Oliver grinned as Sam signalled for the bartender.

* * *

The four of them continued drinking for the next hour before Oliver and Nash decided they needed to get home to their respective families. After saying his goodbyes Sam grabbed his beer before turning back to see Gail and Nash talking.

"So we're still on for Friday?" Gail asked as Nash pulled on her coat.

"If I can find a sitter. Dex is in Europe with his new girlfriend and my mom has book club so…"

"Sure Swarek will be up for babysitting again." Gail grinned as Sam just looked at the pair, feeling his eyes widening. It wasn't that he was against the idea, just that he hadn't been expecting it. It reminded him of the first time it had happened, when Gail and Traci had finally managed to set a date for their girl's night and Dex had come down with the flu. There had been no one else around to look after Leo so of course he had volunteered or more Gail had volunteered him. Even so, he had gone along with it to help Gail out.

Sam hated to admit it but he had actually quite enjoyed it, it reminded him of spending time with his nephews and Leo kept him distracted with stories about school, his toys and many other things. Since then he had offered up his services a few more times, when Traci needed a break and her mom or Dex weren't around. In return she had given him all of the books, notes and tapes she had used for her detective training. They had actually been pretty useful when he had finally forced himself to read them, had probably helped him get the job.

"Yeah, I've been meaning to thank you for last time," Traci said, narrowing her eyes at him as he pushed the thoughts from his mind.

"Huh?" Her expression was rather contradictory to her words.

"Teaching Leo to make a slingshot."

"Oh yeah…" But he stopped as he saw the look on her face, the one that told him he was in trouble. "Brought it in the house didn't he?"

"Yeah he did." She nodded. Sam had a feeling he knew where this was going.

"Break something?"

"Yeah."

"Didn't mention that I told him he could only use it outside did he?"

"Nope, you see eight year olds are good at forgetting such details."

"Ah." He shrugged, he had hoped that Leo would listen to him but apparently he had been wrong.

"Ah…that's all you have to say?"

"Be happy I didn't teach him to…"

"Stop digging you idiot," Gail cut him off, looking thoroughly amused.

"Sorry." He shrugged; he wasn't really sure what else he was supposed to do. Maybe he should offer to pay for the item or to talk to Leo?

"It's fine, you should have seen some of the things Jerry taught him." She smiled, still a hint of sadness in her eyes. "So as Gail said we need a babysitter..."

"Okay." He nodded, this was all part of the new him. Also Traci was about to become his new partner so he needed to keep on her good side.

"And don't teach him how to construct any more weapons."

"Don't worry, I won't. I promised him I'd take him to the gun range…"

"Sam!"

"Kidding…kidding." He might still have to work on some of his jokes.

"Okay then, thank you. Night Gail and I'll see you tomorrow partner." She winked at him as Sam took a sip of his beer. "Come on Oliver."

Sam just waved the two of them off before turning back to Gail. "Another?"

"Fine, but next time I'm choosing, you only get this because…."

"I did something useful with my life, I know." He nodded as he signalled for two more beers.

"So congratulations on the job and all that, but just so you know if I punch Oliver it's gonna be your fault."

"What?" he asked, pulling his wallet out of his pocket.

"Well now that you've gone over to the dark side I can't get you to switch with him."

"You gonna miss me?" he asked, rather amused at her statement.

"You're far less annoying than Oliver. Does not mean I'll miss you." She glared at him as the bartender placed two beers down in front of him.

Quickly Sam handed over the cash before sliding one over to Gail. "For the suffering I'm causing you."

"Cheers," she said as they clinked their bottles. "Guess I should probably buy you a drink one of these days?"

"Why break tradition?" he snorted, shoving his wallet back in his pocket.

"Yeah you're right, don't know what I was thinking," Gail said as silence fell between them. For the last two months they had still spent a great of time talking to each other. Even after forcing each other to talk to other people they still didn't find it easy when the topic of Andy or Nick was brought up. That didn't stop them attempting to be more honest with their other friends but if it ever got too much they had their backup plan. A bottle of tequila, two shot glasses, a number of confessions from their past and a wonderful hangover the next day. More recently they had both tried to cut back the alcohol involved. Neither of them was worried about becoming an alcoholic but they recognised that at some point they needed to be able to do this sharing thing whilst sober.

"So you find out anything?" Gail asked as he sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. It had been Andy's birthday a few days ago, would have been the first one of her birthday's they celebrated together had none of this happened. He had tried not to think about it but no matter what he did he couldn't rid himself of the thoughts. In the end he had spent most of the day ringing round all his old contacts and calling in any favours he was owed to try and find out where she was. After several hours he had even started trying to locate Callaghan in the hope that he might tell him something useful but after dead end after dead end it became clear that Callaghan had gone dark as well.

Fiddling with the bottle in front of him Sam just shook his head before muttering, "No." He wanted to believe that if he tried hard enough he would be able to find her, he just wanted to know that she was ok, but after ten hours of phone calls he had realised that he was not going to get anywhere. That he would just have to wait until she finished whatever it was she was doing.

"You believe in fate?" Gail asked as he turned to face her, arching his eyebrow. He remembered Andy asking a similar question, about the universe having a plan for them but he didn't think Gail would be into it. Then again he was starting to realise that if he made any sort of assumption about Gail, well he should just go with the opposite because it would be more likely.

"Not so much." He shook his head, if the universe really did have a plan then it sure as hell enjoyed watching him suffer. "You?"

"Uh." Gail smiled before picking up her bottle. "I've never seen a psychic." And then she was taking a sip as Sam felt a smile tugging at his lips.

"Trying to locate them…"

"No," she cut him off. "Thought about it, but um last time didn't work out so well…ended up with someone stealing my uniform, impersonating me and shooting drug dealers."

"I'd ask for my money back," he told her as he rolled the bottle between his hands.

"Shut up," she warned him, still grinning. "So you've never done anything like that?"

"Nope, no confessions like that from me," he told her, it appeared they were back onto their distraction phase of the night and it was his go. "I've never learnt a joke book off by heart." Quickly he picked up his beer before taking a sip.

"Really? Like terrible cheesy…"

"Yeah," he cut her off, weirdly enough he could still remember them all. Not that they were much use, not since his trip to Sudbury with Andy at least.

"Wow, sure that helps you charm the ladies…" But she stopped, letting out a huff. "God I haven't had sex in over three months," she muttered before gulping down a few mouthfuls of beer as he picked up his bottle and followed her lead, it was nearer five if he was honest. "Okay, we need to have sex."

"What? Me and you?" He was sure his voice almost cracked as he said it, she couldn't seriously be propositioning him.

"Yeah." She nodded before looking back round to his horrified face and laughing. "Oh God no! Not like together, I mean with other people…seriously Swarek you really think I was coming onto you?"

"I dunno." He was sure his heart rate had picked up, completely terrified at the suggestion.

"Really me? Let's be honest here, I am way out of your league."

"Uh…"

"I mean sure you've got the whole bad boy look going on and those stupid dimples but hello," she said waving her hand up and down, yet he was just speechless. "Also I can't sleep with my breakup buddy, would make bitching about men really awkward."

"Yeah," he muttered as he felt a wave of relief wash over his body. It wasn't that she wasn't attractive; just that he really did not see her like that and thankfully it appeared she felt the same way.

"So what do you say?"

"To what?"

"We should go out, find some people and have crazy drunk sex. I'm bored of waiting."

"I…uh, I don't think that's a good idea…"

"What? Come on when was the last…actually I don't want to know but I'm gonna guess it was Andy so you really need to get laid."

"Peck."

"What? You wanna wait around until she finally shows up? I mean you don't even know if she'll still feel the same way, for all we know she's hooking up with some guy right now."

"Peck," he warned her again, for some reason the thought hadn't even crossed his mind. He just had this belief that she would walk back into his life one day and give him another shot. The thought that she might actually move on…he hadn't even considered it.

"What?" He could hear the irritation in her voice but he didn't care.

"You really think she…" He knew Andy had been mad at him and yes he had broken up with her but...he had told her that he loved her. Would she really move on without giving him a second chance or at the very least hearing him out?

"I don't know." Gail shrugged as he tried to force the thoughts from his mind. The Andy he knew would wait, would want to hear him out, would not want a one night stand and would not jeopardise her career to start a relationship with a random stranger. Gritting his jaw Sam closed his eyes for a moment...the Andy he knew would not have left without saying goodbye. Tightening his grip on his bottle, Sam raised it before taking a sip; he wanted to go back to his blissful ignorant state where the thought of Andy moving on had never crossed his mind.

Placing his bottle back on the counter he reopened his eyes before looking back over to Gail, ready to have a go at her for that comment but when he saw her face he realised why she had really said it. Nick.

"You worried Nick might move on?"

"Nick?" She forced a laugh, but he knew he was right. "God no, that guy was in the army, he knows how to be celibate."

"Right." He nodded, but the way she was peeling the label off her bottle allowed him to see how worried she really was. For a few moments they were both quiet as Sam watched her finish removing the label from her bottle before downing the remaining contents and turning to face him, a smile plastered on her face.

"So what do you say Swarek, you and me hitting up the town…you do own a shirt right?"

"Uh…"

"Come on I'll look out for you. Hell if there's someone you like I'll even go spin her some crap about you being wonderful in bed…"

"And you want me to do the same for you?" he asked, still a little in shock at her sudden change of mood.

"Please, I do not need help to get a guy," she told him.

"Not exactly sure it's a good idea and I've gotta get up early…go running." It was a good excuse, his new morning routine involved getting up three hours before his shift and running for the first hour. It had started as a way to deal with his anger towards Andy but now it was just a way to help him clear his head, prepare himself for the day.

"You go running every morning, you can take one day off," she told him.

"Look Peck I don't really do clubs…"

"Okay no clubs, we'll go to a cocktail bar. Come on its early and I want to do this." He could see how excited she was at the idea. "Might make you feel better to see that someone else might actually like you."

"I…" He didn't care; he really had no interest in anyone else right now, not until he at least had a chance to speak to Andy.

"Come on." But again he shook his head. "Okay how about a little competition, we go out and see how many phone numbers we can get. Winner has to buy next time."

"I…"

"Please. Come on, you can't let a poor defenceless girl go out all on her own." She was putting on a stupid childish voice now.

"Peck you are not defenceless, you took down two guys twice my size yesterday."

"But that's when I had a gun. Today I'll be in a dress and heels so I need a man to protect me." Sam couldn't believe the act she was pulling right now as she fluttered her eyelids at him. "Please."

"Seriously?"

"Come on Swarek be nice." She was pouting now. He still didn't want to. Really, really didn't want to. Andy hadn't managed to drag him out so why the hell should he let Gail. "If you win the bet I'll actually buy drinks for a whole night and I'll even let you choose what we drink."

"Really?"

"Really." She nodded. "And if you don't I'm going to annoy you for the rest of the night."

Sighing Sam drank the rest of his beer before dropping his head in defeat, he was going to regret this. "Fine, fine but…"

"Yeah if you hate it we can leave," she told him, grabbing her bag. "So you do own a shirt right?"

"Yes I own a shirt."

"Good, let's go."

* * *

"So," he dragged out the word as they walked along the street, "that went well."

"Oh yeah, yeah, I'm not sure which part was better. Throwing up on that guy or getting chucked out of the place."

"It is a tough one, but I'd have to go with you getting chucked out. You know, because of that speech about how you were going to come back and arrest them all and…"

"Shut up, you will never, ever speak of this again," she warned him as he laughed. He may never tell anyone but he would certainly never forget it, especially the slurred threats she had yelled at the bouncers as she had been escorted off the premises before telling him to sort them out.

"Well I told you coming out was a bad idea."

"Shut up," she mumbled as he slowed his pace, Gail wasn't doing so well at walking in a straight line. "So I guess that means you didn't hook up with anyone then?"

"Nope…as hard as it may be to believe I'm sort of a one woman kind of guy." Since Andy, he hadn't even looked at another woman, she really was everything to him.

"So your plan is to become a nun until she finally turns back up in your life and then just pick up from where you left off?" she asked pointing a finger at him as he shrugged, deciding not to point out the problems with him becoming a nun.

"Don't know, but until I've had a chance to talk to her properly I can't be bothered to pretend that I want to be with anyone else."

"Wish it was that simple," Gail snorted as he sighed, grabbing her arm and pushing her over to the wall. "What…Sam…"

"Sit," he told her. For a moment she just glared at him before complying with his request. One thing he had learnt tonight was that when Gail was drunk she really hated being told what to do.

"What?" She snapped, folding her arms across her chest.

"Why did you want to come out tonight?"

"I wanted to get laid."

"You say that but I saw you. You had at least three guys who would have willingly taken you up on your offer but as soon as one of them started to get too close you went and drank God knows how many shots before talking to another guy…hence you throwing up on that last one."

"They weren't my type."

"You need a type for crazy drunk sex?" he asked as she shrugged. "Look Peck I understand how much all of this hurts. All this waiting around and not knowing where they are but…we both know that you love Nick, for some crazy reason, and that hooking up with some random stranger is not going to change that. Maybe it will distract you for an hour or so but realistically it's just going to be a reminder that it's not him," he told her as she glared at him before dropping her head and scuffing her shoes against the floor.

"I want to be over him. I want to hate him…I know he'll just leave me again. You know, he'll come back, be all charming and good looking and then he'll just up and leave and then I'll be back here, back wondering what I did wrong, why…" But she stopped, shaking her head a little as Sam took a seat next to her. "You know…I … I've never dumped anyone before. I told you there was something wrong with me, no one can stand to be around me…"

"Shut up," he interrupted her, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her closer to him. "You're fine the way you and Nick is an idiot for leaving..."

"No..."

"Peck," he sighed, trying to think of the right words, he still wasn't very good at this. "Look, you know I'm not going to lie to you and tell you everything is going to be ok when it isn't. So you can trust me when I say that you are fine the way you are. Yes, you weren't good at opening up to people but you've been working on that. However, you shouldn't have to change who you are at heart, it's what makes you...you and there's been a hell of a lot of guys who have wanted to be with that girl..."

"And all of them have left that girl."

"But most of them came back, you just didn't give them a second chance. You remember, you told me Chris wanted to try again and that guy before Nick and..."

"Yeah, yeah, okay, I get it." She nodded before leaning her head on his shoulder. "God new Swarek is kinda soppy."

"How's this for soppy? When I next see him I'll be sure to make his life a living hell for you."

"Little better, I guess I might kick Andy's ass when she comes back. You know, for making you such a pathetic sap these the last few months."

"Yeah?" he asked as Gail just nodded before pushing herself out of his grasp and hunching over.

"Oh God," she mumbled as Sam just watched her hands grip the wall.

"What?" he asked, preparing to make a quick getaway if she was about to throw up again.

"I...I'm gonna be so hung over tomorrow." She sounded pained as she sat back up again and faced him.

"Uh...yeah," he laughed as he felt himself relax, knowing that he wasn't about to be puked on. "Hey at least it's not the first day of your new job."

"No…almost as bad," she muttered. "The new T.O. is starting tomorrow and I'm pretty sure I'm getting paired with her."

At this all Sam could do was laugh before speaking, "And I thought this couldn't get any better."

"Shut up! This is your fault."

"How is this my fault? You wanted to come out drinking, practically forced me to come with you." He was still thoroughly amused by the whole situation and really couldn't wait to see Gail with the new T.O. tomorrow, whoever it was.

"You...you should have stopped me, should have given me that stupid speech earlier," she told him.

"What and pass up a chance to make you pay for drinks?"

"What?"

"Our bet," he reminded her.

"But you said you were a one woman kind of guy."

"Yeah, doesn't mean I can't collect phone numbers to win a bet." Since they had started drinking he had probably paid for about 90% of the occasions. Not that he minded but this certainly seemed like a bet he should try to win.

"Seriously? You actually got some people's numbers?" she asked as he nodded.

"Didn't you?"

"Yeah, I got like two and I was just about to get three when I…you know."

"Oh yeah, I'm not going to be forgetting that anytime soon," he chuckled. After the few seconds of shock had passed it had actually been rather entertaining to watch the reaction of the guy Gail had thrown up on.

"So how many did you get?"

"Oh um," he mumbled, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a stack of napkins. "Just six."

"Six…seriously?" Gail's eyes shot open as she looked to his hand.

"Yep." He smiled triumphantly, waving the napkins in front of her.

"Well that's just brilliant."

"Hey some women like the bad boy look apparently," he laughed before getting up and walking over to the bin.

"What are you doing?"

"I don't want them. Only got them because I thought it was about time you paid for one of our drinking sessions," he told her as he ripped them up before chucking them in the bin. It had actually been easier than he thought after he had had a few drinks. He talked to someone for a bit before asking for their number and then telling them that he needed to check on his friend. He had actually been about to get another when the Gail getting thrown out incident had occurred

"You do realise you just destroyed your evidence?"

"You going to claim you didn't see it?" he asked as he walked back over to her, retaking his seat on the wall.

"Maybe," she muttered while he just laughed. "Don't think my night could get much worse."

"You haven't broken a heel yet."

"Oh great! Jinx it why don't you," she yelled at him.

"You don't seriously…" But he stopped as he saw the expression on her face, thankfully he had a solution. "Shall I get us a cab?"

"Yeah, it's either that or you carry me when it breaks."

"Cab it is, don't think…"

"Think very carefully about your next words, I can still hurt you."

"Okay, okay" he surrendered, pulling out his phone.

"And if I puke on the ride back you've gotta clean it up."

"How is that in any way fair?"

"You jinxed my heels breaking. And you're going to do it anyway so quit complaining and get a cab it's fucking cold here." It appeared the alcohol jacket Gail had acquired was starting to wear off.

"Yes ma'am," he muttered, shrugging off his jacket whilst dialling the number.

"Oh of course, you're going to be a gentleman and give me your jacket now," she moaned as Sam tried to stop the smile spreading across him lips.

"No...I was just too warm." He shrugged as he held the jacket in his arms before Gail hit him and took it off him.

"Asshole," she muttered as he pushed himself off the wall before speaking to the cab company.

Looking back over his shoulder, as he ordered them a cab, he saw Gail sitting on the wall, wrapped in his jacket and he couldn't help but think about Andy. He wondered if she was safe, if she was thinking about him, if Nick was looking out for her. It wasn't that Andy couldn't look after herself but undercover was tough and it had already been three months. He wondered if her and Nick were going through a similar process to the one he and Gail were. Sure they had both been the ones to leave but it had to be hard on them as well. Not seeing their friends, the people they loved. Sam just hoped he was still in that category, that she still wanted him or at the very least would talk to him. Unfortunately he knew for any answers, whether they were the ones he wanted or not, he would just have to wait for her to come back. He just hoped it would be soon.


	5. Chapter 5

_Very sorry about the long wait for this one, it took me a while to figure out exactly how I wanted the chapter to go._

_Also a quick note about the timeline I'm using since the one they used in season 3 completely baffles me, and I really have no idea why Andy said her and Sam were together for a year because it just doesn't fit. So for this story I've based it on Noelle's pregnancy, as that seems to be the easiest thing to follow, which in my head means they were together for about five months, since the suspension was three months (which was when Noelle found out that she was pregnant) and they broke up just after Jerry died (which was when Noelle had the baby a month early). With that in mind I think the whole of season three can't have been more than seven months long (as Andy mentions calling Sam for six weeks in the last episode). _

_Thought I'd just explain that so this chapter makes sense in terms of time. _

_So enjoy and I'd just like to thank everyone that's reviewing, the feedback is greatly appreciated :)_

* * *

**Chapter 5:**

"I never wanted to be a cop."

Forcing his eyes open Sam let out a huff before turning his head in Gail's direction. She was still in the exact same position she had taken up twenty minutes ago, her arms folded across the top of the bar and her head resting upon them. Yeah, today was not a good day for either of them, and he was seriously considering saying something, even parted his lips slightly, but in the end he just watched as she picked up the glass in front of her and downed the shot of tequila.

It had been just over five months since Andy and Nick's disappearance and he still had no idea where they were or what they were doing, not that he had really tried to find them since Andy's birthday. In all honesty as soon as he had taken his new job he had just buried himself in work, had even found himself not thinking about her for a few days at a time when he got a heavy caseload. Although, eventually he was always brought back to her in some way, sometimes someone would mention her name or sometimes it was something subtle like the smell of her favourite coffee, but in the end he was always brought back to her no matter how hard he tried to move on with his life.

He still couldn't believe it, almost half a year had passed, with any other relationship he would have moved on by now, wouldn't still be stuck in this limbo state waiting for her to return so he could get some closure. He had never thought he would need it, but apparently Andy McNally had broken him more than he thought possible. The other week he had considered trying to move on, to find someone. Not for a relationship but just some mindless fun as Peck had put it, but he couldn't do it. As soon as he had put some serious consideration into it he had felt guilty, felt like he was cheating on her. It was ridiculous, he was free and single, he had no obligations to her, she had left him and for five months he had waited. That was certainly longer than most people would wait, especially when they didn't get a goodbye, but it was of little comfort. The only thing he could do was admit that his head was still a complete and utter mess when it came to her, so that's why he was drinking away his sorrows with Gail instead of moving on with his life.

Admittedly he knew it wasn't nearly bad as he was currently making out, but today was a special occasion, or at least that's what Peck had told him when he had found her on his doorstep. It was actually the first time in months that he and Peck had participated in one of their drinking sessions. Soon after their night out on the town they had found no need to drink alone together, not until today. They still went out for drinks at the end of shift, but it was different now. Now they drank beer with their friends instead of a bottle of tequila with a load of confessions. If he didn't know any better he would have said that over the last few months things had actually returned to normal.

"Guys…Gail…Sam?" Sam didn't need to turn around to see her, he recognised the voice well enough. "Okay, what's up with you two?"

He still couldn't be bothered to look at Traci, didn't really want to have to explain this to her. So instead he caught Gail's eye, indicating for her to deal with the situation. She had convinced him to come out after all so it was only fair that she dealt with the interruptions.

"We're celebrating," Gail muttered as he found himself nodding a little, one big happy celebration.

"Oh yeah? You guys look like you're having a hoot," Traci told them with the unmistakable sarcastic tone that he heard more and more of over the last few months.

"Hey don't judge our fun!"

"Right," Traci muttered. "So what occasion are you celebrating?"

"One year anniversary," Gail announced, nudging his elbow and holding up her glass. Taking the hint Sam grabbed his glass before tapping it against Gail's and downing the contents. As they both slammed their glasses back on the bar he finally chanced a glance at Traci who looked rather confused.

"Okay, you're gonna have to help me out with the date here," she told them as Sam grabbed the bottle and refilled their glasses, he still didn't feel like explaining.

"It's been one year since those stupid, idiotic, selfish…"

"Otherwise known as Andy and Nick?" Traci interrupted as Sam just watched Gail glare at her.

"One year since those two walked back into our lives and started the process of destroying them!" Gail spat as she grabbed her glass and nudged his elbow again. Nodding Sam picked up his glass and knocked back the liquid before slamming it down on the bar and grabbing the bottle.

"Seriously?" Traci asked as Sam just nodded his head. He had managed to block out his anger at Andy for most of the last few months, had actually considered himself to be back to normal since there had been no need for impromptu drinking sessions, wallowing or self-pitying. However today was different, and he figured he deserved one day of drinking and wallowing to mark the occasion, especially after the last three months of being a sane, rational person. "Dear God you guys are over dramatic. Seriously how long have you been here?"

"When did I finish shift?" Gail asked as Sam shrugged, he had lost track of time a while ago. He knew she had been on the night shift but he had no idea what the time was now, and he couldn't be bothered to look at his watch.

"Gail that was eight hours ago, have you guys seriously been drinking since then?" Traci asked, clearly horrified at the thought.

"No," Gail dragged out the word, "I had to go fetch Swarek first since the idiot took the day off."

Yep, he had thought it had been one of his better ideas as he had failed to get any work done the day of Andy's birthday. Since he didn't want a repeat of that he had taken the day off with a plan to get some of the jobs around his house done, the ones he had been putting off for the past few weeks. He had actually expected to have a peaceful day to himself and so hadn't managed to hide the look of shock when he had found Gail on his doorstep at ten am telling him that they were going to the Penny. He didn't even know it opened that early, although by the time he had taken a shower and they had walked over it had been eleven which was apparently its official opening time.

"Really? I can't believe you let her do this." Traci said as he realised she was talking directly to him now.

"I can't make Peck do anything and you know that," he told her, watching the glass as he rolled it between his hands, still refusing to look at Traci and what was almost certainly the disapproving look on her face.

"Exactly," Gail agreed, a little too loudly for his liking.

"Okay, how much have you two idiots had to drink?" Traci asked as he and Gail shrugged, something else he had lost track of a while ago. "Right, I think it's time for an intervention."

"What?" Gail asked as Sam saw Traci's arm in his field of vision, the one taking the bottle of tequila away.

"Hey!" both he and Gail snapped as he quickly spun around to face her. In hindsight Sam figured he should have moved a little slower since the room was still spinning when he tried to focus his eyes on Traci.

"No! I'm cutting you off," Traci told them as he reached a hand out to the bar to steady himself, worried that he might actually fall off the seat if he didn't hold onto something.

"No you're not, we paid for that so we are going to drink it," Gail yelled as Sam watched her push herself off the bar stool but then her hand was on his knee as she tripped over her own feet. It didn't look like she had a chance of making it to Traci.

"Peck. We can just order another," he told her as he grabbed hold of her arm and helped her back into her seat. He didn't have the strength to fight Traci for it or to move, so this really seemed like the best solution.

"Yeah, can't stop us ordering more so there," Gail spat as she stuck her tongue out at Traci before turning back around and trying to get the bartender's attention.

"Sam!" he heard Traci's voice, saw the concerned look on her face, but he just turned around. Although it appeared she wasn't giving up as within seconds she was standing next to him, "Come on, this isn't you…"

"It is today," he told her, he just needed one day to get this out of his system and then tomorrow he would be back to normal.

"Guys this is ridiculous, you have both been fine the last few months and now I find you in here doing this…really? How is this helping?"

"Because we don't care anymore," Gail announced as she finally got the bartender's attention. "We shall take a bottle of...whatever, surprise me." Sam just watched the bartender as he looked at Gail before turning his attention to Nash.

"Sorry guys, I think you've had enough," he told them. Immediately Sam moved his eyes to Gail, he remembered the last time she had been told a similar thing, when they had been chucked out of that bar.

"Uh, I am an officer of the law and if you do not serve me…"

"Shut up Peck, everyone in here is an officer of the law. Also it doesn't work so well if you're slurring your words," Traci cut her off.

"I am not."

"Yes, you both are. Now I'm taking you home," Traci informed them as Sam furrowed his eyebrows. He was slurring his words? Gail was slurring her words? Either they were drunk enough that they hadn't noticed the slurring or Nash was lying.

"Nash…"

"That wasn't a request. Now up, both of you," she demanded but they just looked at her, yeah they weren't moving.

"We could go back to mine, I've still got that stuff from last time," Gail suggested as he nodded, even if they couldn't drink here they could find somewhere else.

"Thank you for your concern Nash but we'll be fine," he told her as he stood up, again putting a hand out to steady himself.

"Oh for God's sake you two can't even walk properly, there is no way I'm letting you drink any more. Now I don't care how long it takes, but you are going to stumble over to my car and then I'm driving you back to mine and you can sleep it off."

"Nooo. Nope, child there. Child bad," Gail muttered as she managed to get herself upright.

"Thankfully he is at his dad's and my mom is at her sister's so you two clowns can come back and sober up."

"Nash…" he started but again Traci cut him off.

"Unless you want me to throw your asses in the drunk tank you will do as I say."

"You wouldn't dare," Gail spat as Sam eyed Traci carefully.

"Just try me."

* * *

They didn't try her. Sam had recognised the look in Traci's eyes when she had uttered her ultimatum, knew that she was deadly serious and so he had given in. Gail had put up more of a fight but in the end she had also caved. It had taken him far longer than he would ever like to admit to get from the bar to Traci's car, apparently he really hadn't been keeping track of the alcohol he and Gail had consumed and he had a feeling it was going to hurt like hell in the morning.

Although, right now, he couldn't care less about tomorrow. As soon as they managed to drag themselves inside Nash's house she had shoved them into the living room before offering them a drink. Sam had almost laughed as Gail's face lit up, only to be replaced by a scowl when Traci informed her that her choices were water or coffee. Reluctantly Gail had agreed to water, just as he had, but unlike him she had decided against thanking Traci. Clearly the ride over had provided him with enough time for the guilt to sink in. He didn't want to burden Traci with the responsibility of babysitting them, they would have been fine drinking themselves stupid before passing out and then waking up tomorrow and forgetting about the whole thing. He just wished she hadn't found them; there wouldn't have been a problem if she was still blissfully unaware of what they had done all day.

Of course things were never that simple which was why he was sat in silence at Nash's house. Since Traci had handed them their drinks there hadn't been much talking. Gail had ended up muttering a few profanities about Nick in between passing out, and he had spent most of his time staring at the glass in his hand, trying to work out a way to get Traci to let him leave. After he had finished the first glass of water he had told her that he was fine, that he would go home and sleep it off. Traci, however, had shot down that idea, warning him that if he left she would get Oliver to pick him up and put him in the drunk tank for the rest of the night. After studying her face he had recognised the look again, the one that meant she was serious about doing it and so for the last half hour he had waited patiently, trying to work out when Nash would let him go...if she would let him go.

"You ever thought about writing a letter?" Traci asked, bringing him from his thoughts.

"To who? Santa?" Gail cocked her head in their direction, so she was awake again, "Dear Santa, please, please, please bring Nick back to me so I can kick his ass."

"Gail," Traci scolded her as Sam chanced a glance in Traci's direction, "I mean you write down what you would tell them if they were here. You know, like how you're feeling…"

"Don't have feelings anymore," Gail muttered using her arm to simulate waves, "The tequila took them away."

At that Sam couldn't help but sigh, "Peck just go back to sleep."

"Why? It's a stupid idea, I don't need to write a letter, I need full body model I can smash-up with an axe. That stupid jerk ruined my life so it's only fair..."

"You know what? This self-pitying crap is getting a little old. Okay we get it! They left, both of you have had a pretty crappy time of it, but at least they're still alive. Yes, they're not here right now, but you still get to see them again, to talk to them, to tell them that you love them," Traci snapped as Sam just stared at her, he hadn't been expecting that. He knew they had both complained on the way back to Nash's and that Gail was in one of her angry phases but he really hadn't seen that one coming.

Swallowing the lump that had suddenly appeared in his throat Sam just watched as Traci glared at Gail before pushing herself off the couch and walking off. As soon as she was out of sight he turned back to face Gail, finding her staring at the door Nash had disappeared through, her mouth agape, he guessed she hadn't seen that one coming either.

"Shit!" Gail hissed before smacking a hand against her face as he just watched her, they had really screwed up now. This was why he and Gail had their own private drinking sessions, why they didn't want anyone else to have to deal with their moping. They could say this sort of thing around each other, could get it out without upsetting anyone.

Rubbing a hand over his face Sam let out a huff before catching Gail's eye, "I didn't think..." Gail started before he cut her off.

"Me neither," he agreed.

Traci had been through more than he and Gail had, had been so composed and professional about everything that had happened and this was the first time he had really seen her lose it. Sure he had seen the hint of sadness in her eyes when they spoke about Jerry but she had never yelled before. She was always so calm and rational about it, so much so that at times he had found himself wishing he could be more like her. He remembered how angry he had been after Jerry died and after Andy left, really wished that he had handled it better.

"I need to..." Gail started, pulling him from his thoughts as she rolled herself off the chair.

"Peck," he shook his head, he wasn't sure it would help right now.

"Just trust me on this one Swarek," she told him as she walked past him and through the door Traci had previously disappeared through.

Reluctantly he did as he was told and waited patiently on the couch for what must have been at least twenty minutes before Gail and Traci emerged. He wasn't sure what had been said, but Nash looked much better, even had a smile on her face as she gave Gail's shoulder a squeeze before moving over to him. Sam just watched curiously as Traci took a seat next to him and Gail moved back over to the chair, flopping down on it and draping her legs over the armrest.

"Nash I'm sorry..."

"No," she cut him off, shaking her head, "I'm sorry I yelled at you guys..."

"It was more me," Gail interjected.

"Gail," Traci scolded her as he chanced a worried glance at Gail, was she trying to provoke her? But when he saw the smirk on her face he realised that the twenty minute conversation they had just had had probably sorted out any worries he was currently having. "Anyway, I understand that you guys have had a pretty crappy time of it and for that I'm sorry because you don't deserve it. However, drinking yourselves into oblivion is not the solution..."

"One time thing Trace," Gail decided to cut her off again.

"Sorry," he muttered before deciding to bring up one of the topics he had thought about while they had been gone. "So me and Peck haven't really eaten anything today, can I interest you in a pizza order or really anything you want?"

Traci looked between them for a moment before nodding. "Think it's the least I deserve after hauling your drunk asses here."

"Yeah, sorry again," he muttered, he did feel bad about ruining her evening.

"It's okay. How about that place we ordered from last week?" Traci asked as he nodded, she had found it when they were stuck on a stakeout and it had actually been quite good. "Same as last time?" Again he nodded before Traci turned to look at Peck. "Any requests?"

"I'll eat anything," Gail shrugged. "So film or..."

"Or you guys could write those letters," Traci suggested.

"Uh..." he started, he still wasn't sure about that.

"Look I thought it was stupid too, but after Jerry…my mom convinced me to do it and it actually helped. It just helps to get it out there, you know, having to put your feelings into words, it makes things clearer," she explained as Sam tried to keep the sceptical look off his face. He understood that she was trying to help and maybe, well it did make some sort of sense but he still wasn't sure. "Look it's not like you have to show anyone, you can burn the thing as soon as you're done with it."

"Yeah." He nodded a little, he was still rather sceptical.

"You know it's a pretty good alternative to some stupid drinking binge," she told them which yeah, she had them on that point. "Gail?" Traci asked as he turned to look at Gail who was just smirking at them.

"I will if he does." She winked at him as he rolled his eyes, it looked like he wasn't getting a choice in this anymore.

"Great." Traci nodded before running off as Sam glared at Gail.

"What?" she laughed, "You scared of writing Swarek?"

"No." He just wasn't sure what he was going to say. Traci had one bit right, having to put your feelings into words certainly helped clarify things.

"Well you know, I'll show you mine if you show me yours," Gail chuckled as Sam just shook his head, he had a feeling she wasn't taking this very seriously.

"Okay, here we go," Traci announced as she placed a stack of paper and some pens on the coffee table. "So you guys get started on that and I will go order us some Pizza."

Nodding his acceptance Sam grabbed a sheet of paper and handed it to Gail with a pen before taking one for himself. As he rested it on his leg he tried to think of something to write, but after scratching the back of his neck, rubbing his eyes and clicking the pen a couple of times he found himself just staring at the paper, he really had no idea. He tried to think about what Traci had said earlier, if he saw Andy what would he say? He had thought about seeing her nearly every day, but now his brain was blank. Pinching his brow he tried to focus as he placed the pen to the paper, hoping that if he just started writing he would know what to say, but in the end all he managed was a blue dot, he didn't even know which letter to start with. Letting out a breath he tried again and again, but all in vain as several more blue dots clustered around the original. Why was this so hard? No one else was going to read this yet his brain refused to let him speak the truth.

Taking a look to his left he saw Gail scribbling away at the paper. Even though she hadn't been taking this seriously before she looked completely focused now, clearly she knew exactly what she wanted to say. Shaking his head he tried again before just staring at the paper for a few minutes, willing the words to appear but still there was nothing. Surely this was not supposed to be so hard, surely he could think of one thing he wanted to say to Andy, but yet he had nothing. Was he supposed to tell her how much it hurt that she had left him without even saying goodbye? That he missed her? That he wished she was here? That he was angry that she had left him again? That he was sorry he had broken up with her? That he wished they could start over?

"And done," Gail announced, slamming her pen down. "You know I think Traci was actually onto something."

"Uh, yeah," he wished he could sound as confident as Gail did, but the almost blank paper in front of him was proof that this really wasn't working for him.

"Hey Trace!"

"Yep?" Traci asked, sticking her head round the corner.

"This letter thing actually helped," Gail told her waving the paper in the air as Sam tried to catch a glimpse. He knew he probably shouldn't, that it was personal for Gail but he just needed something to help him get started.

"Great, pizza's on the way. I'm just going to call Dex and check everything's ok with Leo," she told them before retreating from the room.

Sam just nodded his acceptance before looking to the table and Gail's letter. He knew he shouldn't, knew he should just keep trying but as he caught sight of something he couldn't help but speak, "Did you draw pictures?"

"Yeah," Gail nodded, looking back at the paper, "More diagrams really."

"Right," he was rather confused as to what she would be drawing but knew he shouldn't ask, it was personal.

"So how'd you do Swarek?" she asked.

"Um…" he started as held up the empty paper for his explanation.

"Want some help?" she asked as he shrugged. "Okay," she muttered as she rolled herself off the chair and stumbled over to him before handing him her letter. "For inspiration."

"You sure?" he asked, keeping his eyes off the letter. Gail was drunk, she might feel differently about him reading it if she was sober.

"Sam it's fine, I don't mind. Look Traci said to write down what you would tell them if you saw them. It doesn't have to make sense, doesn't have to be perfect or include everything, hell it doesn't even need to be grammatically correct or, you know, spelt correctly which mine probably isn't because I suck at spelling. I mean it's not like it's being assessed or anything," she told him as she indicated for him to read the letter.

"Gail..."

"Look if you don't read it I'll just read it to you."

"Read what to him?" Traci asked as she walked back over to them carrying a bowl.

"Her letter," he informed Traci, he still wasn't sure about this.

"You sure?" Traci asked as she placed the bowl of chips down on the table before taking up a seat next to him, clearly she was having a similar thought process to the one he had had.

"Completely." Gail nodded as he shrugged, he guessed he may as well. Maybe it would provide him with some inspiration.

"Ok then." Traci shrugged as she forced him to the turn the letter over. "Oh and help yourselves, pizza's gonna be a while and I figured you could probably do with something to eat."

"Thanks." He heard Gail's voice but he wasn't interested in food at the moment. Instead he moved his eyes to the top of the paper as he attempted to interpret Gail's handwriting.

_Dear Asshole,_

_You are the most selfish, arrogant, idiotic, bastard I have ever met. When I get my hands on you you will wish you had stayed in the fucking desert!_

Ok he was starting to understand why Gail didn't mind them reading the letter.

"Um Gail," Traci said as Gail turned to face them, stuffing a chip in her mouth.

"Mm," she mumbled.

"You um…pretty much listed every swear word I know here and well, I mean my French isn't great but I think…"

"Yep and the Italian ones as well," she boasted, taking another chip from the bowl as Sam looked back down to the letter and the drawings he had spotted earlier.

"And the pictures?" he asked, squinting his eyes and trying to work out what they were.

"Oh," Gail muttered, rubbing one hand on her jeans before grabbing the letter and turning it upside down. "There you go."

"Oh," both he and Traci said as they finally understood the diagrams, three different ways in which she planned to maim Nick.

"I know you said to write how I felt but I figured the pictures made it a little easier to understand."

"Uh yeah, yeah they sure do," Traci said as she grabbed the letter and handed it back to Gail.

"Oh no, you keep it, I don't need it."

"Would you be horribly offended if I burnt this? Don't really think it's appropriate to keep it around with Leo here."

"No…actually you know what you should do? You should make him read it and then he'll never leave a woman."

"I think nine is a little young for that sort of talk."

"Your loss," Gail shrugged as Sam chucked his pen and paper onto the table, this wasn't going to work for him. Ducking his head he grabbed a handful of chips before chancing a glance at Traci and noticing that she clearly wanted to say something. However, she seemed to decide against it as when she finally spoke she just suggested watching some TV while they waited. Realising that he probably wasn't going to be able to focus on whatever program was chosen he let Gail and Traci decide before just staring at the TV.

He was right about not being able to focus, he hadn't got a clue what they were watching when he suddenly heard the doorbell. Apparently even though he didn't think it would work his brain was still determined to attempt this letter since it had spent the last forty minutes trying to put his feelings for Andy into words. Mumbling something about the pizza being on him he pushed himself off the couch and over to the door. He noticed he was still a little drunk as his body refused to walk in a straight line but eventually he made it.

Throwing open the door he went to reach for his wallet only to be pushed out of the way by Peck who grabbed the pizzas and handed over some money before he even had a chance to react.

"What?" she asked as he looked at her before closing the door.

"I thought I was paying," he muttered, it had been his idea, a way to make it up to Traci for ruining her evening.

"Yeah well my treat tonight," she explained as he eyed her carefully, she didn't normally offer to pay for things. "Come on Swarek we both know I owe you like hundreds of dollars for the last few months."

"Don't really care about that." He honestly didn't, he didn't exactly spend much these days and his drinking sessions with Gail had helped.

"Yeah well I do."

"Since when?" he asked, this wasn't like her. "Did you hit your head earlier or something?"

"Shut up," she hissed at him.

"Okay seriously why..."

"Because some people seem to think I'm using you, that you do what I say..."

"What?" he asked, that was hardly true. Sure they spent a lot more time together than they used to but she wasn't using him, they were just friends, "Who said this?"

"It doesn't matter, can we just..." she nodded towards the living room but he grabbed her arm to stop her leaving.

"Peck spill."

"I...it's not a big deal," she tried, but he gave her a look that told her he was not letting her go until she told him. "Okay, fine, miss new up herself TO."

"This about the Rowling's case?" he asked, suddenly understanding where this was going. There had been a disagreement between a couple of officers about which leads to pursue due to the limited time available.

"Yeah."

"Peck I chose to follow your lead because I thought it was right, that's it, end of story and if anyone thinks differently then they can come and tell me," he told her, even though it hadn't led them anywhere he had believed it was the right one at the time. "What did she say?"

"Nothing much, just something about you listening to rookies over senior officers, and then there was that look she gave me. I think she thinks I'm sleeping with you or something," she explained and Sam couldn't help but chuckle a little.

"You'll be fine, she might come across as a little overbearing but..."

"She has nothing on my mother," Gail finished as he nodded. "You won't say anything will you? I mean I know you guys go way back and I don't think she'll..."

"Forgotten it already," he told her. It was true they knew each other before but he wasn't going to cause any problems between her and Gail. He knew Gail, knew she needed to vent sometimes and today was a particularly crappy day for both of them. This time last year he had been stood outside Andy's apartment with that stupid oar. He still couldn't figure out why she had decided to buy it, it wasn't like she could use one oar, but then that was Andy and her spontaneity was one of the things he loved about her... well most of the time he did. He wasn't really a big fan of her spontaneous decision to disappear on the task force.

"We should eat," Gail told him as he realised he had just been staring at her for the last minute, too preoccupied with his thoughts.

Agreeing he headed back into the living room with Gail where they spent the next hour eating pizza and watching TV before Gail decided it was time to get some sleep. At that point Traci had quickly come up with the sleeping arrangements, offering Gail her room as long as she promised not to throw up, before telling them that she would take her mom's room and he could have the couch as it was a fold out and so would be almost as good as a proper bed. After thanking Traci, for what must have been the fifth time, Sam had picked up a piece of paper and a pen from the coffee table, apparently his brain still wanted to give the letter a go. Although after placing it on his leg he found himself just staring at it for almost ten minutes.

"How's it going?" Traci asked, almost making him jump as he looked round to find her standing by the side of the couch. He thought she was going to sleep too and so hadn't expected her to come back out here.

"No idea how to start this thing," he admitted, indicating to the paper resting on his lap.

Traci just offered him a sympathetic smile as she took a seat next to him. "You know the first time I did this I spent an hour just staring at the paper, thinking that at some point I would know the right thing to write," she explained as he nodded, he was thinking the same thing. "You know what I realised after that hour?"

"What?"

"There is no wrong or right thing. You just need to say whatever it is that's going through your head right now, even if it's about the weather," she told him. Sam tried his best but he couldn't stop the sceptical look returning to his face. He didn't think writing that it was raining today was really going to help. "Look when I finally managed to get some words down I ended up crying for an hour and soaked the thing through so I had to start again but then I couldn't stop myself. I wrote down everything from how well his team had played the night before to how much I missed waking up to his face every morning and how much it still hurt knowing that I would never get to do that again."

"Traci..." he started; he wanted to say he was sorry, he didn't want her to have to recall it for his benefit.

"No," she cut him off, "It sucked, I spent far too long crying about it and worrying about what to say but you know what I felt after it was done?" To that he just shook his head. "I felt relief. I know everyone was there for me, that they wanted me to talk to them, to help me through it but that wasn't really working for me so I wrote this letter. I wrote down all the things I wished I'd told him, things I wished we had done and I just felt this great sense of relief. All these things I had kept bottled up inside because they were the things I would tell him and I couldn't do that anymore, but then I realised that this letter. This stupid piece of paper, it was my way of telling him these things," she explained before wiping a hand over her eyes.

"Traci," he tried again as he wrapped his arm around her, trying to comfort her.

"It's okay, I'm okay." She nodded as she pulled away. "Look just write anything, you saw, even Gail's version actually made her feel better. You just have to start it."

"I just…I have no idea how to start it," he confessed as a silence fell between them for a few moments.

"How about dear Andy," she suggested and he couldn't help but chuckle, it was pretty obvious when he thought about it.

"Okay." He nodded as he picked up the pen.

"I'm gonna go get some sleep, you ok here?" Traci asked as she stood up while he just nodded, he would be.

"Traci."

"Yeah?"

"Thank you." He offered her a small smile, she had done more than she had to tonight.

"Good luck," she told him, mirroring his current expression before walking out of the room.

Rolling his neck Sam looked back to the paper, he could do this, he just needed to write anything he could think of, even if it was not knowing how to write this letter. Taking a deep breath he placed the pen to the paper before writing the first two words.

_Dear Andy_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

"Here...Sam...Sam." Even though he could hear Gail's voice he couldn't find the strength to pull his eyes away from the group standing by the door. "Swarek!" Although after feeling her shove his shoulder he finally gave in and turned back to find six shots lined up on the bar in front of them.

"That bad hey?" he muttered before throwing another glance over towards the happy group, everyone smiling and laughing, well almost everyone.

"I never thought this would happen today," she sighed as Sam felt himself silently agreeing with her, he hadn't seen this one coming either. It had been six months since Andy and Nick had left. Six months of waiting and wondering. Wondering what she was doing, if she was safe, if she would come back, and finally he had some answers.

Trying his best to avoid looking back over to the group he just followed Gail's example and downed one of the shots. Although it appeared his self-control needed some serious work because as soon as he dropped the glass back onto the bar he found himself staring at Andy again. Of course it didn't take him long to catch her eye but it was only for a second as she quickly averted her gaze. So she was avoiding him, or was it him avoiding her?

Letting out a sigh he turned back to face the line of shots. He could still remember the moment he had first laid eyes upon her this morning, the look of shock that had registered on her face for a fleeting second before she went back to playing her part. It had taken him far longer, he remembered Traci nudging his arm, pushing him towards another suspect and somehow he had managed to pull himself together. Had managed to push the emotions aside while he interviewed suspect after suspect, but after several hours it had suddenly hit him. He had excused himself and walked outside to get some air, clear his head. He wasn't sure what it was, just knew that he needed some time alone to try and stop the claustrophobic feeling he had suddenly developed.

Of course he wasn't the only one having a hard time with it. As soon as he had stepped outside he had found Peck leaning back against the wall, looking like she had just seen a ghost, and even though he had wanted to say something reassuring he couldn't find the right words. So instead they had just stood side by side, silently trying to process the morning.

Sam wasn't really sure how much time he and Peck had spent outside before she had broken the silence, asking him to pinch her so she could be sure she wasn't dreaming, or having a nightmare. He had actually considered it for few seconds before declining causing Peck to punch him and then swear at him because she had managed to clip her hand on the wall and somehow that was his fault. Of course with his head still spinning from everything else he had let her vent her anger before Traci had found them, telling him that he was needed and that Nick and Andy were being debriefed. Sam knew he wasn't in the best state of mind but he had followed Traci back inside and carried on with his job, even though he seemed to be finding it increasing difficult. Apparently it didn't matter how many times he had thought about her coming back, about how he would react or what he would say because as soon as he first laid eyes upon her he realised that he was completely unprepared.

"Never thought I would be this unprepared for it," he muttered as he grabbed his second shot before looking to Gail.

"Yeah, didn't have time to shine my axe or clean my gun," she told him causing him to let out a short laugh as she picked up her glass.

After tapping his glass against Gail's he quickly took his shot, all the while doing his best to resist looking over to Andy again. It had been six months. Six months of waiting, of thinking about her, of wishing he could see her, and now she was here...well part of him just wished she was still gone. He knew it didn't make sense, the woman he had been pining away for was back and he was wishing she wasn't, but everything was just so complicated now. For the last several months his life had been filled with routine and structure; he went to work, he hung out with his friends, he occasionally watched Nash's kid, but now...now she was back and he knew his routine was shattered.

Dropping his head into his hand he tried to push the thoughts aside before turning back and seeing the look of disgust on Gail's face. "You okay?"

"Yeah, you'd think after all that time we spent drinking this stuff it would be easier," she muttered before grabbing the last two shots and handing him one. "I swear I've never wanted to punch and kiss someone so much at the same time."

Sam couldn't help but let out another short laugh as they tapped their glasses together. If he was honest it was pretty hard for him to pinpoint any emotion right now but he could relate to what Gail had just said. He had spent six months wishing he could talk to Andy yet he still hadn't spoken to her. Although, he did have a pretty good excuse since she had been busy with her debriefing when he had finished his shift. That and Gail's insistence that they needed a drink before they did anything meant that he had come straight to the Penny instead of waiting around to talk to her. Although he still didn't know if that had been the right choice.

Setting his glass back down on the bar Sam couldn't help but chance a quick glance over to the group to see Oliver hugging Andy. He wondered how she would react if he did that, figured she would probably have a heart attack. No matter what had happened she had to know that she had hurt him by leaving.

"I have no idea what I'm going to say," Gail muttered, pulling him from his thoughts.

"Me neither," he agreed as he rubbed a hand over his face. He had so many emotions fighting for control that he really no idea what would come out when he finally tried to talk to her...if he tried to talk to her.

Looking to the bartender he signalled for two more shots before running a hand through his hair, this was really not the day he had envisioned when he had woken up this morning.

"Think if we get drunk enough we'll just know what to say?" Gail asked as he shrugged, he had no idea.

"Guess you could always get drunk enough to throw up on him."

"Shut up," she snapped but he could see the smile playing on her lips. "Although, I guess it's not the worst idea you've ever had."

"Yeah…cheers," he muttered, grabbing the shots before handing one to her as his brain finally came to a decision. He had spent six months waiting for Andy, he wasn't about to do that again. "Never thought I would do this," he breathed, quickly downing his shot.

"Do what?" Gail asked, clearly confused.

"Let it go," he said simply as he pushed himself off the stool. "Can't be any worse than these last six months," he told her before turning to face Andy and the group surrounding her, just hoping that he could actually follow through with it.

"Sam." He felt Gail's hand on his arm causing him to turn back to her.

"Yeah?" She looked exactly as he felt, terrified.

"Never thought I would either," she said as she downed her shot and hopped off her seat.

"Okay." He nodded at her, trying to give her a reassuring smile. "Ready?"

"Nope, you?"

"Don't think so," he confessed, but he had spent far too long waiting. Whatever happened...there was no point in wasting any more time.

"So, which you gonna do first?" she asked as he just stared at her. "Punch or kiss?"

At that Sam couldn't help but laugh before speaking, "I was actually gonna try talking first. I mean it seemed to work out pretty well for us…wasn't really as bad as I first thought."

"Yeah, I guess."

"So which are you gonna do first?" he asked.

"Oh I'm gonna hit him." Sam couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at her, she seemed rather adamant about that. "What? I tried talking the first time, second time I get to hit."

"So third strikes death?"

"Something like that." She shrugged before taking a deep breath. "Guess we should get this over with."

"Yeah," he breathed as he turned back to face the group still surrounding Nick and Andy before taking a step towards them.

For some reason the ten meters suddenly seemed much further than he had first anticipated. Although he was fairly certain he was still in some weird state of shock. Part of him was actually expecting to wake up and find out that he had been on some drinking binge with Peck for an anniversary he was trying to forget. Yet, as he kept walking the floor didn't swallow him whole and Sam wasn't sure if it was relief or disappointment he was feeling, but it didn't seem to matter as he suddenly caught sight of her watching him. Holding her gaze for a few moments he forced his feet to keep moving before seeing the nervous fumble of her hands as she set her drink down on the side. Apparently she was just as worried about this as he was, not that that was of any comfort to him.

Taking another step towards her he saw her throw a worried glance in Nick's direction. Clearly she knew what was coming, was probably looking to her breakup buddy for support. God he hated that term right now. When he had first been working with Collins he hadn't really had many thoughts on him. He seemed okay, mostly did as he was told, but after what he had put Gail through and knowing that he was Andy's breakup buddy...well he suddenly had a horrid distaste for the man.

Of course the reassuring smile Nick offered Andy didn't help change his opinion. That used to be his job, he used to be the one that made her feel better, that supported her...he...he had to stop thinking about it. He was going to let it go, going to move forwards, and with that in mind he forced his feet to keep moving. Although it appeared everyone else suddenly seemed to notice what was about to happen, the tornado they were likely to be a part of if they didn't vacate the area immediately. Had it been any other situation Sam was sure he would have laughed at how quickly everyone in the group suddenly found something else they needed to do or someone else they needed to talk to. Well, almost everyone.

Swallowing the lump in his throat he finally came to a halt in front of the two heroes of fifteen division, the two people who had put him and Peck through what he could only describe as hell. Yet, no one seemed to be willing to make the first move. Andy offered him an awkward smile before avoiding his gaze while he tried to figure out what to say. If he was honest he had considered what he would say to her for as long as he could remember, was sure his speech changed nearly every day depending on how he felt about her but now that she was here in front of him, he was completely speechless.

"Swarek." Surprisingly it was Collins who broke the awkward silence first causing Sam to move his eyes to the man. He had to admit he was rather impressed with how calm Nick seemed to be, although, as he watched Nick inhale sharply he realised it was only now that Nick had spotted Gail lurking behind him.

"Collins," he mumbled his reply before taking a quick look at Gail, and if looks could kill, well Nick Collins would no longer be with them. Clearly Gail was finding this letting it go business as hard as he was, but he was going to be persistent.

Trying, once again, to rationalise his thoughts Sam found himself turning back to Andy before attempting to remove the scowl from his face. He was going to let it go and they were going to talk it through like adults, or at least that's what he was going to keep telling himself.

"Hey." He tried to keep his voice soft. Six months of not seeing her, six months' worth of emotions flooding through his brain and 'hey' was the first thing he said, well it was most certainly the safe option.

"Hey." She tried to keep the nervousness out of her voice but he could hear it.

"Can uh...can we talk?" he asked, trying his best to remain calm, but it seemed to be lot harder than he had originally predicted.

"Uh..."

"You wanna talk to?" Hearing Nick's voice Sam couldn't help but break his gaze away from Andy, his eyes landing on Nick just in time to see Gail's hand come crashing down against his cheek. He should have known she wasn't lying about the hitting part; Gail was pretty honest when it came to that.

"What the hell Gail?" Nick spat, rubbing the red handprint she had left behind.

"Now I want to talk," she told him, grabbing hold of his arm and dragging him outside. Well Gail had kept with their plan so it was only fair that he did too.

"You're not gonna hit me are you?" Andy asked as he quickly refocused his eyes to her, even though she was clearly trying to lighten the mood she actually looked a little worried.

"Nope." He shook his head. "That's reserved for the second time you disappear without telling me." Or at least it was if he followed the Peck rules for relationships.

"Something to look forward to then."

Shaking his head Sam couldn't help himself. "Look I'll be outside if you want to talk...unless you've got another task force to get to."

Without even giving her a chance to respond he stormed out of the Penny and into the parking lot. That had gone...wonderfully, and right now he was half tempted to get in his truck and just drive off. Although, the nagging voice in his brain decided to remind him that he was over the limit and so instead he found himself letting out a frustrated groan whilst bashing his head back against the wall. He knew she was only trying to lighten the mood but it had just set him off. He was trying to be serious for once, to talk things through and...what the hell was he supposed to do now? Go back inside? He couldn't see that ending well, he needed to calm down before attempting to talk to her again, to try and figure out what he was going to say. Maybe he should have driven home earlier and picked up the letter he had written at Nash's insistence, the one buried in the back of his desk, the one he still hadn't burnt no matter how many times he had tried.

Bashing his head against the wall once more he couldn't help but ball his hands into fists, he was an idiot. If she was actually considering talking to him then he was pretty sure he had just blown it with that petty comment. Why couldn't he have just kept his cool around her? Why did she spark such a strong reaction from him? He really wished he understood it better, could understand what she did to him because he was fairly certain that in a logical world it didn't make sense. And at that realisation he couldn't help but recall something Oliver had told him, 'love doesn't make sense', well that was making him feel so much better right now.

Slamming his hand back against the wall he let out a short breath before hearing her voice. "That working for you?"

Just hearing those four words Sam found himself transported back to the first day they met. To her tackling him in the alley, to him yelling at her in Boyko's office, to her walking into the locker room and being persistent as she had put it. It all seemed like a lifetime ago, like two different people, and he felt himself wanting to tell her how much he hated girl guides, but if he was honest...well either she wasn't a girl guide or he actually did like them. So instead he just leant back against the wall before tilting his head in her direction and trying to calm himself down.

"Less slamming and banging," he muttered.

"Yeah...guess it's a good thing we're not at the station, don't think your locker could take much more." He wasn't sure what she was trying to achieve by this visit down memory lane but weirdly enough it did seem to be calming him down. Well it was either that or the fresh air.

"Sorry," he breathed, moving his eyes to the floor. What he was saying sorry for, he wasn't sure. Maybe it was for the petty comment or maybe it was for everything else that had happened before she left, either way he was pretty sure he owed her an apology for something.

"I think I sort of deserved that one." Her voice was barely a whisper but he heard her, and even though he was trying to be the better person as far as he was concerned she did deserve it. Although, even he knew better than to say it out loud. He knew it wouldn't help them move forward, probably just send them into some horrible blame game. "Sam." Her voice was still quiet as she timidly moved closer to him before leaning back against the wall next to him.

"You did well." He wasn't sure why he said it but it seemed to be one of the few things he could actually remember from today. Frank's speech about how well both Andy and Nick had done on the task force, how proud they should all be of them, and since his other plan had gone completely out of the window...well it seemed like the safest option.

"Yeah well, I mean I did have a pretty good teacher," she muttered as he chanced a glance at her, he hadn't been expecting that. Although maybe they were both sticking to the small talk to avoid the elephant in the room.

"Yeah." He didn't think he was setting the best example right now, but he could certainly manage small talk. "How was it?"

"It uh, it was good. I mean, you know, weird and scary at some points but good. Can see why you used to do it now," she explained as he found himself nodding. So far this was not the conversation he had expected. When he had told Peck he was going to let it go he had found himself thinking he was going to profess his love for her again, and then when he had been walking over to her he was almost certain he was going to yell at her, but this. Not once had this scenario crossed his mind. "Sucked not seeing everyone though."

"Yeah. Well UC's like that. Only really works when you've got nothing to stick around for." And there he was back to taking cheap shots. Congratulating his brain on a job well done he went to open his mouth, to try and fix some of the damage he had done but she got there before him.

"So is this what you wanted to do? Bring me out here so you can blame me for leaving..."

"No, I..."

"You know what? Before we get into this let's just get one thing clear here, you broke up with me. You left me first..."

"I did not leave you first."

"Yeah, you did. Broke up with me right here, in this very parking lot. So I'm really happy we're having this reunion here, bringing back some wonderful memories."

"McNally I did not leave you first, you left me…"

"No. You broke up with me, so how exactly did I…"

"Brennan," he snapped, breathing heavily as she just looked at him, confusion replacing the anger.

"I...I did that to save our jobs, to stop us from getting fired, you said that you were okay with it…"

"I lied!" At that she just stared at him, her mouth hanging open.

"What? Why the hell are you only telling me this now? Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because I wanted you! I put it aside because I wanted to be with you and I didn't think that bringing it up would help."

"So what? All that time you resented me for leaving and you didn't once think it would be a good idea to talk about it. Jesus Sam, I'm not a mind reader, I-I'm not..." She trailed off seeming somewhat distraught at his revelation, and this was why he had never brought it up before. The truth was messy, hurt people, yet for some reason everyone always wanted it. "I...Jesus, I...I-I'm sorry I left but...you know I only did it to save our jobs. I...you...you can't blame me for not knowing this, for not talking to me! I tried to talk to you, I..."

"I know," he cut her off, maybe he should have told her, maybe she should have known but there really was no point in playing the blame game now. Although apparently the blame game was all they had because within seconds there was just silence. Sam knew he needed to calm down, to think about what he wanted to say instead of just speaking, but it appeared Andy already had a topic in mind.

"You left me," she whispered as he turned to face her, she looked just as she had the night he had broken up with her. "Everyone in my life has always walked away from me and so I made you promise that you wouldn't give up, but...you did. You just gave up without even talking it through with me, without giving me a chance..."

"I-I know." Another thing he wished he could have taken back. "Things got complicated...Jerry died..."

"And I was trying to help but you just kept shutting me out. I get that you were grieving and I was trying to understand but you would barely even look at me..."

"Because I needed space. Jesus Andy, after all this time how can you not understand that I just needed some space to work through it? My best friend died, died because I screwed up and you just had to go and do your fix it routine when it couldn't be fixed. I just needed time to figure things out, but you couldn't do that..."

"I was trying to help! You don't think I didn't get what you were going through? You don't think I didn't wish that I had listened to Jerry instead of pushing for us to look at the bartender? That maybe if I had listened to him he would still be alive!" she snapped as he forced himself to keep his mouth shut. He didn't trust himself to speak right now, really had no idea what he would say to her. Even though he knew this was one of the times he should probably reassure her that it wasn't her fault he couldn't find the strength to do it because on some level she was right. If they had gone to check the cab driver out then Jerry wouldn't be dead, but that was just as much his fault as it was hers. He should have known better, should have done what his gut told him, but after everything that had happened, with Andy being drugged, being attacked...he couldn't let her out of his sight.

And so after several minutes of silence he just found himself muttering, "It could have been you."

"What?" she asked, furrowing her brow as he let his eyes fall shut for a few seconds.

"What happened to Jerry, if things had gone differently, if that guy had grabbed you. Hell if Brennan had worked out you weren't who you said you were he would have killed you."

"So what? You shut me out, you broke up with me because you were scared of losing me?"

"I...I don't know." His head was a complete and utter mess right now. There were so many emotions breaking loose, all these topics they should have talked about before and he only vaguely remembered that time, the feeling in his gut he knew he should have listened to.

"I know things were bad after Jerry and I'm sorry but you broke up with me," she told him as he found himself watching her again. "I wanted to help you Sam, I really did. For weeks I called you but you wouldn't talk to me and so I finally got used to the idea that it was over and then you tell me that you love me. I mean what was I supposed to do with that? After weeks of trying to talk to you and finally accepting that it was over you suddenly change everything...

"McNally."

"No. Look, I get that you're mad at me for leaving after you told me, but your timing couldn't have been much worse. I mean I was having a pretty shitty day okay. John Grey escaped, he hit me and then I got stuck holding a bomb and you decide that that is the right time to tell me you love me…and then when we got back to the station you couldn't be serious for more than five seconds. I mean God forbid you were actually honest, that you put yourself out there...no you had to make that stupid joke after everything that had happened…"

"I know. I know." He wished he hadn't made that comment about the bones. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well, I just..."

"Decided to get away from it all." He finished for her. "I get it."

At that she just stood watching him for a few moments before speaking, "You get it?"

"You don't think that after everything that happened I didn't consider going back to UC, that I didn't want to become someone else for a while? Hell part of me even wished I'd applied for that stupid task force."

"So why didn't you?"

"Because if I went to UC I was pretty sure I'd get lost in there, that I wouldn't want to come back out...and to be honest I'm not sure they would have taken me after everything that happened," he explained before moving his eyes to hers. "As for the task force. I guess part of me still thought I had something to stick around for."

It was that statement that caused her to drop her head down and close her eyes, clearly trying to collect her thoughts whilst he did his best to stay in the semi calm state he had managed to acquire.

"I wouldn't have stopped you," he mumbled, watching the look of confusion pass across her face as she lifted her head back up. "If you had told me, I wouldn't have stopped you." He had waited over a year for her when she had been with Callaghan, hell he waited the last six months for her. He just would have preferred a chance to say goodbye, a chance to find out if she would give him another shot when she returned, something he still didn't know the answer to.

"I couldn't…"

"I know, I know." He took a deep breath before asking the question he had been longing to know the answer to. "But would you...I mean if things had been different, would you have come for that drink?"

Andy took a moment as he watched her hopefully, but then she shrugged her shoulder, just as she had the day she disappeared.

"I-I don't know. I…you said all these things and I was just…I couldn't think straight. I just needed to get some air, to clear my head but then Luke called me over and I didn't have time to think about it," she explained before meeting his eyes. "Would...would you really have done all those things?"

At that Sam couldn't help but let out a breathless laugh. "The uh, the dog thing may have been a little presumptuous but uh, the dinner thing…well the day after you left I might have stopped by yours with…" But he didn't finish as he saw the look on her face, she already knew what he was going to say.

And then the silence was back and he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. Sure they had cleared the air somewhat but there was still an awful lot they needed to discuss. All these unresolved issues from their attempt at being normal, something he was now a hundred percent certain did not exist. Yet, even with everything that had happened there was still one thing he knew for certain, and with that in mind he found himself turning to face her properly. He was letting it go.

"Okay," he spoke softly, holding her gaze. "I know I haven't been the most open person in the past, but uh...I'm trying, so..." He just had to do this. Back to plan A. "Andy...I love you. I meant it then and I mean it now and I want to try again. I don't care how long it takes or how hard it is I just want..."

"That is it!" Hearing Peck's scream Sam found his eyes darting in the direction of her voice. "I don't care! Go back to the desert or wherever the fuck you were. I don't want to see you again for the rest of your life...Yes I mean your life because if you tell me once more that I'm overreacting then I will end your life!"

"Gail!" For some reason Sam couldn't help but stare at where the voices were coming from. "Gail just..."

"Go to hell!" Gail spat before coming into view. As soon as she saw him and Andy watching her she let out a huff before storming back into the Penny. Sam was pretty sure that two minutes ago it had been him and Andy causing the disturbance, and he couldn't help but wonder if Gail and Nick had overheard or if they were too busy working through their own issues.

"Guess you heard that?" Dragging his eyes away from the door Sam suddenly spotted Nick hovering in the parking lot a few meters away from them.

"Uh, yeah," Andy muttered as he just stared at Nick, well he had heard enough to know that things had not gone to his and Gail's plan.

"I, uh, I'm gonna go," Nick told them, scratching the back of his head. "I'll, uh, I'll see you tomorrow." And then he was walking off down the street as Sam found his eyes back on the door to the Penny. Part of him wondering if Gail was still in there or if she had made a quick getaway via the other entrance. Although, he didn't have much time to think about it as he heard Andy scuff her feet against the floor causing him to move his eyes back to her. He was actually rather tempted to make a joke about not having the worst relationship but something kept him from speaking.

Instead he just found himself staring at her before noticing the dark circles under her eyes and realising how tired she probably was. He remembered what it was like, remembered how exhausted he was after completing any UC. The fact that she was still standing now was pretty impressive if he was honest, and with that in mind he knew that tonight was not the right time to continue this discussion.

"I know you've probably got a lot on at the moment, a lot of people who want to see you...I...I'm just asking for a chance, you know, a drink...not tonight. I mean I know you're exhausted but if you want to...any night you want to..."

"Okay." She nodded at him as Sam let out the breath he had been holding, he hadn't expected it to be that easy. He had imagined days, weeks, maybe even months of snotty remarks and stupid mind games. "I-I'm not sure when, but um...yeah."

"Okay," he muttered before seeing her look down the street. "You want a ride?" He knew he shouldn't be driving but he could always call her a cab or walk her.

"No, um...I-I'm gonna walk..." she stuttered, chewing on her lip and glancing around before meeting his eyes. "I...I really am sorry about leaving. I mean after everything that happened..."

"Yeah, well I'm sorry I didn't talk to you sooner."

"Huh. Who would have thought we could have a serious conversation?" She smirked as he found himself nodding.

"Guess we should do it again sometime."

"Yeah," she muttered before fumbling with the bottom of her shirt. "I'm glad I'm back."

"Me too." At that they both had small smiles on their faces before she turned around and started walking down the street.

Sam wasn't sure what he was feeling as he watched her walk away although he guessed it was hope. Hope that they might be able to work through it. He knew it would be hard, that they needed to take things slow, to work on communicating with each other and not jumping into bed whenever things got too difficult like they used to, but it would be worth it. If the last six months had done nothing else it had provided him with enough time to realise that they were both to blame for the destruction of their relationship, and that they would both need to change to make it work.

And even though he wasn't sure what would happen between them it appeared they were both willing to work at it, so right now...well that's all he needed.

* * *

As soon as Andy was out of sight Sam found himself walking back into the Penny. Of course it didn't take him long to spot Gail, and after the small confrontation he had witnessed between her and Nick he wasn't surprised to find her hiding in the corner of the bar, nursing a bottle of tequila.

Without even bothering to see who else was still around he took the seat next to her before speaking, "Started without me?"

This of course got her attention as she glanced up at him before taking a shot. "You come to gloat about your and Andy's perfect little reunion while..."

"Peck," he warned her, clearly she hadn't heard their initial conversation because if she had she would have known it was far from perfect. "It wasn't perfect."

"You still talking to each other?" she asked as he found himself nodding. "Then it went better than mine and Nick's," she told him before taking another shot.

"You gonna let me have one of those?" he asked, nodding towards the bottle.

"Depends."

"On what?"

"On when you're seeing her again."

"What?"

"You look...I don't know, happy I guess." Happy? Relieved sure, shocked certainly, hopeful probably, but happy...Sam wasn't sure he was happy just yet. "And that of course means that it didn't end horribly, that you probably managed to do that whole letting it go thing you were talking about..."

"Not exactly," he cut her off, causing her to sigh before looking back at him.

"What happened?"

He wasn't completely sure, the whole thing seemed like a complete blur at the moment but he could remember a few of the highlights. "I uh...I blamed her for leaving after Brennan, told her that I wasn't okay with it, made a few petty comments about her leaving this time, almost blamed her for Jerry's death..."

"Huh," Gail muttered before handing him a shot. "For growing some balls."

"Right," he breathed before knocking back the shot. "So what about you?"

"Oh it was brilliant. The stupid idiot told me I shouldn't have been so mad. That apparently that stupid kiss he gave me and some line about never holding me back was his way of telling me he was going. Oh and because I was supposed to be going to Europe he didn't think it would matter. So of course it's all my fault, I mean it's not like he could ever do anything wrong!" she spat before taking another shot.

"Sorry."

"Yeah, well at least I got to hit him again."

"How'd that work out for you?"

"Made me feel a little better, but this," she started indicating to the bottle of tequila, "should make up for the rest."

"Yeah," he agreed, noticing the sadness in her eyes before deciding to lighten the mood. "So I've never thrown up on a guy I was trying to pull."

It took Gail a few moments to respond, although eventually she took her shot before looking round to him. "I hate you." But Sam just found himself smirking, right now she didn't look like she hated him very much.

"You telling me you don't want to get drunk right now?"

"Oh no, I do. Very, very much." She nodded as she refilled her glass while he found himself looking around the bar. It seemed that nearly everyone else had already left. Although, he knew he shouldn't be surprised, it had been a rather long day for everyone involved in the raid, and as much as Sam wanted to go home and get some sleep he was almost certain he wouldn't be able to. So right now...well drinking a bottle of tequila with Peck seemed like a pretty good alternative to staring up at the ceiling.

"Do you think it'll get better?" Gail asked quietly as Sam found his eyes back on her.

"The tequila? Doubt it. After six months the damn stuff still tastes the same..."

"You're an idiot."

"Thought I was a jerk?"

"The two are not mutually exclusive," she informed him as he felt a smile forming on his lips.

"Good to know," he muttered before turning to face her. "But as to your early question...I...yeah. I think it will."

* * *

_Again I'd like to say a massive thank you to everyone that's reviewing, you guys make my day._

_Also I know I said it would only be six chapters in total but there are going to be two more. I just figure that Sam and Gail will still be working through some issues while they get used to Andy and Nick being back. So let me know what you think :)_


	7. Chapter 7

_**AN: **I know it's been forever since I updated this which really wasn't my plan but things such as life got in the way. I did really want to have it done before the new season started but I guess better late than never. And for the purposes of this story I'll be ignoring what really happened in the show so I can stick with what I originally planned._

_Also before we get to the story there were a number of guest reviews for the last chapter that I wanted to reply to (and for which I ended up writing a rather lengthy response) but I've decided I'd rather just finish the story (however if anyone wants to discuss why I wrote certain things then feel free to PM me). The only thing I really wanted to say on the matter was that I believe both Andy and Sam screwed up and that I'm not trying to make anyone out to be blameless in this story. Also I know for a fact that I have mentioned several times that Sam made mistakes, so no I'm not trying to paint him as a blameless saint but rather a human being. _

_Anyway the bottom line is that this is just one interpretation of the characters and what could have happened after season 3. Some people will like it, some people won't but there are a lot of wonderful writers out there who have given their post season three takes which might be more to some people's liking. However, for those of you who are still reading this and enjoying it I just want to say thanks for sticking with me and enjoy this very overdue chapter :) _

* * *

**Chapter 7:**

Shock. Sam was almost certain it was shock he felt as he opened the door to the Penny. Part of him was actually wondering if he had been possessed, or suffered a moment of temporary insanity, because he still wasn't sure why he had done it. Not that it really matter anymore, what was done was done, and even though part of him wanted to undo it, to run back and take it away before she had a chance to read it, he found himself walking further into the Penny.

It had been three weeks since Andy walked back into his life, possibly three of the most difficult weeks he had ever faced. Sam had always known it wasn't going to be easy, that they wouldn't just pick up from…well he wasn't sure if there had ever been a particularly safe point in their relationship. Yes, they had both been happy at times but they really had managed brush every serious issue under the carpet until they reached breaking point. In hindsight he guessed the time apart had actually been good for their relationship since they were both talking to each other now, and not just the superficial talking like they used to.

"Hey brother."

Sam took a moment, blinking his eyes and trying to clear his mind before focusing on Oliver. He had been so lost in thinking about what happened that he couldn't even remember walking over to his friend.

"You okay buddy?"

It seemed Oliver had noticed his preoccupied mind too.

"Yeah. Long day."

Not that he was particularly bothered by it, but he couldn't bring himself to explain the source of his current state to Oliver.

"Tell me about it, I swear Epstein must take some sort of pleasure in getting himself into bad situations. And it's always me who's there when he does it." Sam couldn't help but smirk as Oliver shook his head and slid a glass over to him. "So there, you won."

"Cheers," he muttered but he left the glass where it was.

"You know I still don't…I mean you don't even ride with the rookies anymore so how the hell did you know about it?"

"Detective. Sort of my job."

"You take no interest in knowing office gossip and Epstein is an open book so-"

"Just a natural gift." He shrugged as he glanced around the room. There weren't too many people but he spotted one easily enough.

"She's been there since I got here. Made it very clear that she does not want to talk to anyone," Oliver explained as Sam turned back to face him.

"What happened?"

"He did." Oliver nodded to the corner where Collins was sitting. "We were never this bad were we?"

"What?"

"These rookies. I swear their relationships change faster than a soap opera, and I'm getting too old to keep up with it all."

Sam found himself nodding a little, he guessed it was true but it wasn't like he was completely blameless in it.

"You and Zoe did settle down pretty quick, maybe you're the exception." He shrugged as he met his friend's gaze. Of course over the last year Oliver had been through his own share of ups and downs, but for the last several months Sam knew he and Zoe had been trying to work it out.

"Maybe. Speaking of which, I've got a family movie night to get to," Oliver said, causing a small smile to grace Sam's face, he was happy at least one of them had managed to fix their relationship. "Don't go too crazy."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"Bullshit," Oliver laughed as Sam felt a hand on his back. "But uh, maybe you could deal with that."

Sam didn't have to look round to know what Oliver was referring to.

"I mean we still gotta look out for 'em, even if most of them aren't rookies," Oliver explained as Sam nodded, he had already planned to go over at some point but since Oliver was leaving it seemed like the perfect time.

"Have fun buddy."

The forced smile on Oliver's face told Sam that fun was probably not the right word to describe what he was about to do. Apparently being the only male member of the Shaw household meant that films Oliver wanted to watch were very rarely chosen, but Sam knew the films had very little to do with how much Oliver actually enjoyed it. Normally his friend was just happy to spend some quality time with his family, though it seemed a few of the more recent film choices had managed to dampen his normally high spirits.

Still, Sam decided to hold off making a joke about what Oliver might end up enduring for the rest of the night. Instead he just watched as his friend waved goodbye to a few other people before turning back to the bar. He guessed Oliver's relationship with Zoe proved that people really could work things through, that every relationship had rough patches, and with that thought in mind he found himself taking another look around the room, his eyes stopping when they came across one particular person.

She was still in the exact same position he had spotted her in a few minutes ago, her head resting in her hand, her eyes focused on the bottle in front of her. Sam guessed that meant she wasn't speaking to Collins, since he was sat in the corner nursing his own bottle of beer whilst watching her. If anything Gail seemed to hate the man more now that he was back, but it wasn't like Sam could judge her. Things with Andy had been anything but smooth sailing.

Deciding that he didn't want to dwell on that part of his life, he picked up the glass Oliver had left for him and headed over to Gail.

"Think this is yours," he said, placing the glass down in front of her.

"What is it?" she asked, not bothering to look at him or the glass.

"Whiskey. You know, my other favourite drink," he said, gaining a snort from Gail.

"And it's mine because-"

"Because I won a bet."

"Ah." She nodded, picking up the glass. "Guess he doesn't know I told you?"

"He'll work it out." Oliver was right, Sam didn't care about office gossip, but a couple of days ago he had noticed the awkwardness between Epstein and the newest rookie. Of course as soon as Gail had seen what he was looking at she had decided to fill him on Epstein's latest problem. "Besides, I think he's a little too preoccupied with trying to block out the memory of getting caught between Epstein, Frank and-"

"Dov's failed one-night stand."

"Yeah." He nodded as Gail knocked back the glass of whiskey before signalling for the bartender.

"Guess you've been allowed off your leash for tonight then," she muttered, dropping the glass back down onto the bar.

"Leash?" He quirked an eyebrow at her but she was focused on something across the otherside of the room.

"Should have known this would happen, given what you were like while she was gone." Still Gail didn't bother to look at him as she took a swig of her beer. "No wonder you've turned into a doormat again."

"Doormat?" He wanted to add again but he decided against it as she finally looked up to him.

"You weren't honest with her about what you wanted, you just floated along, ignoring all these issues until it was too late. Your words," she told him, taking another swig of her beer as Sam found himself biting the inside of his cheek, it wasn't exactly a word for word replay. "And now it's going to happen all over again."

"It's different."

Gail didn't say anything, just huffed out a breath to let him know exactly how much she believed him before turning back to the bartender.

"Better than what you're doing with Collins," he told her; if she was taking shots at him then he was going to remind her about some of things she had told him. After all she was the one who had admitted she was still in love with Collins, that she wanted to give it another go, but as far as Sam knew she wasn't even talking to the man.

"Want a drink?" she asked, finishing off the last of her beer as Sam registered the unspoken message; she was not talking about Collins.

Instead of speaking he pulled out the stool next to her and took a seat. He wasn't sure how long it had been since they'd shared a drink together just the two of them, although it couldn't have been much more than a couple of days after Andy and Collins returned. Sam remembered it being a rather quiet night, but he had a feeling they were both still in some state of shock, not quite believing that after six months it had finally happened.

"Beer?" Gail asked, causing Sam to nod. Maybe he should have checked up on Gail, maybe he should have offered to talk to her, but she seemed fine at work, acting like nothing had happened. Besides, it wasn't like she had asked or even threatened him to come out with her; then again Sam knew how good she was at putting up a tough front.

"Here." Sam forced himself not to overthink it as he looked over to find her holding out a beer for him.

"No tequila?" he asked as he grasped the bottle, it was normally her drink of choice.

"Don't drink it anymore."

"Since when?"

"Since some idiot thought it would bring back fond memories of our time together," she explained loudly as Sam chanced a glance over his shoulder, he got a feeling the idiot she was referring to was meant to hear that.

"Still not talking to Collins then?"

Since she'd brought it up he figured he may as well try to get a reading on where she was at with him.

"Who's Collins?" she asked, turning to face him and forcing a smile.

"Right," he muttered, taking a sip of his beer. It appeared he was spot on the first time.

Still, he knew better than to say anything more on the matter. Gail had made it perfectly clear how she felt and he knew if he mentioned Collins again then she would almost certainly bring up Andy to counter him. And that was a topic he really didn't feel like discussing with anyone else until he and Andy had figured out what the hell they were doing.

"Huh," Gail muttered as Sam tilted his head in her direction, waiting for her to continue. "Looks like I was wrong about the leash."

It took Sam a moment to understand what she was referring to, but after following her gaze he understood perfectly.

"Hey." Andy offered him a small smile as she came to a halt next to him.

"Hey. You okay?" She was supposed to be having a girl's night with Nash so he really hadn't expected to see her.

"Yeah." But he wasn't so sure, her expression was not one he could read very well.

Sam guessed if nothing else the undercover work had helped with how open she had been before. Then again, maybe it was just him, maybe after everything that had happened between them he just couldn't read her like he used to.

"Could we-" She didn't finish as she nodded to the door.

"Uh-"

"She wants to talk to you," Gail interrupted before he could say anything else. "Alone."

"Yeah thanks Peck, I got it."

"Well men are stupid so-"

"I'll be back in a bit," he told her, pushing himself off his seat and ignoring the insult.

"Whatever you say."

Again Sam decided to ignore Peck's comment as he followed Andy through the Penny and out the back door. He wasn't sure what he was expecting but he felt his heart rate pick up in anticipation. If he was honest, he knew there was only one reason why she would have come here now.

"Everything okay? Thought you were with Nash," he said as he closed the door behind them. He wasn't sure why he spoke first, he guessed he was trying to buy himself some more time to prepare.

"Yeah, Trace will be here in a few minutes. I just…" She paused for a moment, casting her eyes down to the floor before looking back up to him. "I read it," she told him as he felt his jaw tightening. "I know you said to wait until later but I just…please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad." Terrified was probably a better word because he still had no idea why he had handed her the letter in the first place.

It had been stupid, he had rambled on about so many things, or at least he thought he had. The truth was he hadn't actually looked at the letter since he wrote it, although there were a few paragraphs he knew off by heart. It was because of those paragraphs that part of him wanted her to read the letter, but also why part of him would rather die than let her read it.

For the last few days he had been fighting this internal battle, trying to figure out if he should do it, how he should do it, when he should do it, until he had just done it. He still wasn't completely sure what had convinced him in the end but he knew he should have foreseen the current situation. Given her natural curiosity he should have known from the moment he handed her the letter that she wouldn't have been able to wait. But of course he had been too busy trying to decide what to do to consider how she was going to react, something he was seriously regretting now. He guessed the fact that she was here, that she hadn't run away, that was good a sign, but the silence wasn't exactly comforting.

"So uh, Traci held you captive?" she asked as he found himself letting out the breath he hadn't realised he was holding.

Traci had told him to write about anything so he nodded a little before opening his mouth.

"Threaten to throw me in the drunk tank if I left," he spoke softly as he remembered the night, seeing a small smile appear on Andy's face. "I know it's stupid and-"

"And honest."

"And honest. But-"

"But it's open."

"It's open," he agreed.

"The real you." Her voice was barely a whisper but Sam heard her as he continued to hold her gaze. She wasn't angry, she wasn't upset, if anything she seemed relieved. "It's-"

"What I should have said before," he told her.

Andy didn't speak straight away, instead she held his gaze for a few seconds before moving her eyes down to the floor.

"We both should have said some things we didn't," she told him when she finally looked back up.

"And shouldn't have said some things we did." There was one in particular he wished he had never said, but hindsight always was a wonderful thing.

"Yeah," she agreed as Sam felt himself nodding.

He still wasn't completely sure how she felt about the letter. Yes she seemed relieved by it, possibly even happy that he had been completely honest for once, but there was still the nagging voice in the back of his head, the one that liked to remind him how much complete honesty could hurt. He hadn't sugar coated it, hadn't tried to make it seem better than it was because that really hadn't worked for them last time. And even though he had spent a good portion of it apologising for his mistakes, listing out everything he knew he had screwed up, he also explained how her decisions had affected him, how-

Sam wanted to curse himself as he was hit with the sudden realisation about why he had handed her the letter. Tomorrow they were having dinner, tomorrow they were going to start talking about Brennan and there were some parts he knew he would find hard to explain to Andy. Parts he would probably try to brush over because he wouldn't want to see the pained expression on her face as he relived some of the finer details of that day. He had already written about some of them in the letter, knew if she read it she wouldn't let him gloss over anything because that's what they had agreed. They knew if they had any sort of chance of making it work they had to take their time to trust each other again and figure out a way to fix the part of their relationship which had caused the biggest problems. Communication.

Of course it had taken them a while to actually admit it to each other. Apparently even after coming to the same conclusion months beforehand they still couldn't tell the other person very easily, though thankfully it hadn't taken another six months. Unfortunately it still hadn't been a particularly pleasant or easy process.

After the night she returned from the task force Sam had barely spoken to her for a week. She'd been given some time off to get ready for work and wrap up any loose ends with the task force, so he had waited. Not that it had been easy. At least a dozen times he'd had to talk himself out of calling her and at least two dozen he'd had to stop himself from asking Nash how she was doing. In the end he had just buried himself in work, tried his best to focus on the cases instead of the amount of time since he'd last seen her.

Thankfully it had paid off in the end; five days after he had first seen her again she had called him, asking if he wanted to get that drink. It had been awkward to start with, probably because both of them were worried about erupting into another argument, but after a while Sam had decided that time and space didn't work for him either. He had laid it all out there again, told her he was sorry, that he knew he had hurt her and that he wanted to make it right. But of course it was never that simple with them. What had started out as a promising conversation had soon deteriorated back to the blame game.

Apparently even though both of them had said they wanted to let it go neither of them was actually very good at following through with it. The more they talked that night the more apparent it became that they were both still keeping score, which explained the inability to do anything except go round in circles until eventually they had both given up and embraced the silence.

Sam had hated those ten minutes of silence, had managed to convinced himself they didn't stand a chance, that they were both too stubborn to make it work, but then Andy had started talking again. Sam wasn't sure how it had come about, he guessed her love of planning and rules along with his determination and seriousness had finally given them a shot at fixing their relationship. And so they had come to an agreement on how to get past the blame game without ignoring it, an agreement to talk about everything and hear the other person out.

It was simple really, start at the beginning, the day they met, and go through every controversial issue until they had both said their peace because that way neither of them could claim the other person didn't know or hadn't shared. Admittedly it was not actually as easy as it sounded, but then being honest with Andy was much harder than confessing to Gail that he had let Sarah wax his legs once because this was serious. Sam knew if they couldn't do it, if either one of them held back or they couldn't talk something through, then it was over. So he'd forced himself to be completely honest, to answer any question she asked as well as to ask his own, because he wasn't giving up without a fight, not this time.

"Sam." He blinked his eyes a few times before realising that Andy was still staring at him. Clearly he had gotten side-tracked with his thoughts.

"Sorry." He shook his head a little, hoping the physical motion would help force the thoughts aside.

"I just, I wanted to say thank you…for giving it to me." He gave a shot nod, not completely sure what else to say. "Guess we should probably wait until tomorrow to talk about it more."

"Unless you want to ditch Nash for tonight." He didn't really expect her to do it, but the look in her eyes told him she was giving it some serious consideration. "Andy, you should go have fun tonight, we can talk about it tomorrow."

"Yeah, yeah." She nodded her head a little, clearly still debating whether or not to say something else.

"But if there's something you-"

"No. No it's fine. Tomorrow night," she stated, a lot more confidently before offering him a small smile.

"Tomorrow night," he agreed, because that was their plan now.

After the first night he had managed to convince her that they would be better off talking over dinner. It was the truth after all but it also allowed him to act on one of the promises he had made before she left. She had been a little hesitant at first but eventually she'd admitted that she missed his cooking. Apparently Nick wasn't as good in the kitchen, a revelation which had made him much happier than it probably should have.

Still, what was more important was that their plan was working. Over the last few weeks they had shared dinner four times. They had covered her relationship with Callaghan, the blackout, him pushing her to be with Callaghan, the engagement and the day Sam had found out about Callaghan cheating on her. That night had not been easy, probably the hardest out of all of them so far and also the one where Andy had banned him from saying sorry since every other sentence seemed to contain some form of apology for letting her go to the storage locker alone.

He still felt guilty about that day, the first day when he had really let his feelings for her cloud his judgement. Sam knew he should have seen it then, should have found a way to deal with it so it never happened again, but there was just something about Andy which made it incredibly hard for him to control himself.

"So mine at eight?"

"Yeah." Sam offered her a small smile. "Sure you still want to cook?"

"Yep." She popped the 'p', seeming much more relaxed. "Gonna be pretty amazing. I mean I'm not bragging but you'll probably have to up your game after tomorrow."

"That so?" He smirked at her.

"Oh yeah."

"Not gonna be another fire incident then?"

"One time-"

"Two if you count those cakes."

"Okay two times, but who hasn't set their oven on fire at least twice?" she asked before narrowing her eyes at him. "Shut up."

"I didn't say anything."

"You were going to."

"Don't think you can tell me off because I might say something."

"Might?"

"Don't you have a girl's night to get to?"

"Yeah." However the look in her eyes told him that if she didn't already have plans she would have called him out on changing the subject. "Probably should go and see if Traci's inside."

"I'll see you tomorrow." He offered her a small smile which she matched as she started off towards the door.

"Andy," he called her back before she had taken more than a few steps.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Her smile almost doubled in size at the three little words but Sam didn't miss the nervous flicker in her eyes or the way she opened her mouth a little before closing it again. It was just the same as the past few times he had told her, she looked like she wanted to say something but the words never seemed to come and so he was normally just left with a nervous smile, which he was completely fine with. Sam knew about her past, knew she was still worried about him leaving and so he was willing to wait. In fact he had told her on at least three separate occasions that it was okay, that she didn't have to say it back until she was ready, though he figured there was not harm in reminding her again.

"Look you-you don't have to say it back. Okay, I don't care that you've never said it before and I don't care if you never say it. This is how I feel and-"

"Shut up," she laughed at him.

"Never said it before? I mean I know I don't throw it around like Epstein and Diaz do to each other but where did you even get that from? "

"I just thought-"

"That I was an emotionally stunted-"

"I-" But she was cut off by the sound of her phone. "Sorry," she muttered, fumbling about until she had the phone in her hands. "It's Trace," she told him, still clearly reading the message. "She's gonna be another ten minutes."

"Okay," he said, keeping his eyes on her as he watched her slide the phone back into her pocket.

He was pretty sure there wasn't much else for them to discuss tonight, well not anything they could do in ten minutes and so he found himself casting a quick look back at the bar.

"Want a drink while you wait?"

Andy didn't answer straight away; Sam guessed she was trying to decide if it was a good idea or not since they hadn't had a drink together in public since that first awkward night.

"Yeah." Andy's word broke Sam out of his thoughts, causing a smile to work its way onto his face.

"Okay," he said, heading over to the door and holding it open for her.

As they walked back through the Penny Sam couldn't help but notice the increased number of occupants. The bar was pretty much surrounded by customers trying to get a round in, well mostly. Sam saw there was still a noticeable gap between Gail and the other customers. Clearly she was exuding enough of her current mood to keep them away, although there did see to be one man surprisingly close to her. Sam guessed he either hadn't noticed or didn't care enough to move.

"Oh." Sam almost walked straight into Andy as she came to a sudden halt, just a few feet shy of the bar.

"What?" He wasn't sure what it was, but when he saw where she was looking he suddenly understood. The man he had spotted next Peck earlier wasn't just some random patron.

"Gail this is ridiculous." Sam heard Nick's voice as he kept his eyes on the couple a few feet away.

"We should-" Andy started, clearly wanting to leave Peck and Collins alone, but it appeared they were too late as Gail looked up and spotted them.

"Do you hear something?" Gail asked, looking Sam straight in the eye.

"Gail," Nick tried again.

"Like this annoying, whiny-"

"Gail this is stupid."

"Probably just the wind." She shrugged as Sam tried his best to keep a neutral expression, he really didn't want to get involved.

"Gail. Look I've tried okay. I'm sorry but I thought you were leaving and as fun as it is playing these stupid games like last time…I know you want to talk to me, to…the texts you sent me the other night-"

"Wrong number," she said, glancing at Nick for a second before looking back to Sam.

"Really?" Clearly Collins wasn't buying it. "So who were they for?"

"Sam," she said so calmly that even Sam would have believed her if he didn't know for a fact that she hadn't sent him a text in over a week.

However, it appeared she had been convincing enough for both Andy and Nick. After not even acknowledging his presence Collins was suddenly glaring daggers at him and Andy sounded pained as she asked him what Gail was talking about.

"Fine. Have it your way." Nick shook his head before turning around and heading out the back door.

"What texts?" Andy asked again, causing Sam to move his attention back to her.

"There were no texts, she didn't send me anything," he told her, but he could see she was still trying to get her head around what had just happened. "Peck." He turned to face Gail, giving her a look that said she better explain.

"Don't worry McNally, I didn't send your boyfriend anything."

Even though she had confirmed what he wanted Sam felt the lump forming in the back of his throat from the word she had used to describe him. Yes, both he and Andy were working towards it but they were nowhere near that stage yet. They were still adjusting to being back in each other's lives, to working together now he was a detective, to attempting some sort of…friendship.

"Yeah. Okay." Sam saw the hint of panic in Andy's eyes as she spoke, the one almost certainly caused by Gail's words. "I might just go check-" She didn't finish the sentence, indicating to where Nick had disappeared to less than a minute ago.

Sam could tell Gail had spooked her, that clearly she wanted to find Collins for her own benefit as well as his own, and even though part of him wanted to stop her he just nodded his head. He figured he could do with a moment to work out how he was supposed to deal with it too.

"Well that wasn't awkward," Gail said, breaking the silence as soon as Andy was out of earshot.

"Yeah, thanks for that."

"Hey, he put me through six months of hell so-"

"You plan to repay him those six months?" Gail shrugged her response, seeming somewhat pleased with the outcome. "Keep me out of it next time."

"Why? You think Andy's worried we hooked up?"

"No." Even though she seemed worried he had already told Andy there had been no one else, but he got the feeling Gail wouldn't be particularly bothered if Collins managed to get the idea into his head.

"Would be more worried about them if I were you, considering how close they are," Gail muttered before gulping down a few mouthfuls of beer.

Sam tried his best to ignore the comment but as he replayed the words in his head he felt his jaw tightening. Sometimes he really hated how easily Gail could voice worries he had managed to disregard, or convince himself he was overthinking.

"They're just friends."

"Friends who spent the last six months pretending to be a couple," she told him before turning to face him. "You ever had an assignment when you pretended to be someone's boyfriend or husband?"

"Yeah." He had a few times.

"You always play by the rules, keep it strictly professional? Or did you ever have a night when the pretend couple became a little more real?" she asked, keeping her eyes locked with his.

Sam wasn't sure what he was supposed to say, because the truth was he had broken those rules. It was hard being under for such a long time, having only one person that you could truly rely on. So yes, the lines got a little blurred sometimes, but he didn't want to tell Gail that.

"Exactly," Gail said as Sam finally allowed himself to blink.

"I didn't-"

"You said enough," she told him before taking another large sip of beer.

Sam knew trying to argue with her was futile, that clearly she had already made up her mind, but he opened his mouth anyway.

"They're just friends."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," Gail muttered as Sam did his best to just forget about it. Andy had told him that she and Collins had never crossed that line, and he believed her.

"So-" He started, wanting to change the topic before Gail could bring up any other doubts he had managed to push aside. "You sent Collins some texts?"

"I had a moment of weakness."

"In which you told him-"

"Things you really don't want to know about me or soldier boy," she cut him off as Sam felt the curve of his lips. The first time he had said that to her was after she had shoved a rather graphic text in his face, so he had a pretty good idea of what she had sent Collins.

"How'd that happen?"

"One too many drinks with man-boy."

"Right," he muttered, rubbing a hand over his face. "Didn't you have a plan to let it go?"

"Another moment of weakness," she told him as Sam did his best to hide his eye roll. No wonder Collins was frustrated, but then it was the second time the man had pulled a disappearing act on her so he guessed she was entitled to be angry. Unfortunately it didn't seem like she was much happier for it, if anything she seemed just as upset as Collins, but Sam knew better than to tell her that given her current mood.

"So is Andy dragging you off or you gonna stick around and help me celebrate?"

"Celebrate?"

"It's this thing people do when something good happens," she told him as Sam felt the tug of his lips.

Since Andy already had plans and Gail looked like she could do with someone to talk to, or more likely vent to, Sam just opened his mouth. "What are we celebrating?"

"Then end of me having to buy lunch for Oliver," she told him as he furrowed his brow.

"You put your foot down or-"

"Getting cut loose…again."

It took Sam a moment to register her words but then he felt the smile back on his face. He knew she had been working hard the past seven months, trying to prove that she still had what it took whilst dealing with several other issues.

"What do you want?" he asked, nodding to the bar.

"Think I'll stick with beer tonight, wouldn't want to be hung over first day of my new job."

Sam couldn't stop himself shaking his head at her comment, given a certain memory it brought to mind.

"What if I really want to go out to a cocktail bar?"

"Then you're on your own," she told him before finishing off the last of her beer. "Not all of us are stupid enough to agree to that."

Again Sam found himself shaking his head before turning to find Gail looking expectantly at him.

"What?"

"You buying drinks or not?" she asked, waving her empty bottle around.

"Uh." He stopped himself as he looked down to his half-full beer, he guessed she had been drinking whilst he was outside with Andy. "Yeah." It wasn't like it would take him long to finish the rest.

"Well this doesn't look good."

Sam was sure his eyebrows jumped a good inch when he heard the voice.

"Don't worry, we're on beer tonight," Gail said as Sam turned his head to find Traci standing beside him.

"Well you're not slurring your words so it's definitely an improvement from the last time I found you in this position."

"One time thing," Gail repeated the words that had formed her mantra the night Traci dragged them out of the Penny.

"Yeah," Traci drawled, clearly not quite believing them, which was fair considering it was not the only time it had happened, though Sam didn't think Traci knew about the others.

"Want a drink?" he asked, deciding he better speak up before Peck and Nash decided to relive a few more details of that night. A night he still wasn't particularly proud of.

"I'll have to take a rain check, got-"

"To solve all the world's problems with a bottle of wine?" Sam flashed her a grin, gaining himself a shake of her head.

"Think you're funny don't you?"

"Sometimes."

"Where's Andy?"

"Out back."

He considered saying more but given the way he could see Gail squeezing the bottle in the corner of his eye he decided against it. Nash would figure it out as soon as she stepped outside, and no doubt Andy would fill her in on more of the details.

"Thanks." She gave them a small smile before disappearing in search of her friend.

Once the door had swung shut behind her Sam found himself turning back to Gail who wasn't looking particularly happy.

"Guess everything's back to normal," she muttered as Sam furrowed his brow, he wasn't completely sure what she was referring to.

However, it appeared Gail didn't feel like enlightening him since she just shook her head when she finally looked back to him before letting out a sigh.

"You gonna get these drinks or you waiting for someone else to come and turn you down?"

Sam found himself chewing the inside of his cheek before giving a short nod, he guessed it was the best solution since he was still in two minds about what to do. On one hand he wanted to go outside and make sure Andy was okay, make sure that she hadn't been too spooked by Peck's comment, but on the other hand he wanted to talk some sense into Peck. He wanted to tell her to stop playing stupid games and just make a decision, however when he saw the expression on her face, the one that told him she was not happy he decided he'd rather just cheer her up.

Andy was outside with Nash and Collins, she had people to talk to but Gail didn't so it made sense for him to stay and provide her with some sort of distraction, though he wasn't sure what would cheer her up the most. For a moment he considered telling her about the time he had let Jerry set him up on a blind date, but after taking a quick look around the room he decided on something else.

"Pool?"

"What?" Gail asked, finally meeting his eyes after pulling off the last of her bottle's label.

"Pool table's free," he told her, tilting his head in its direction.

"Want to kick my ass again?"

He shrugged his response, offering her a small smile. Really he just wanted to distract her from the thoughts she was almost certainly having about Collins.

"Guess it's better than nothing," she told him, turning to get out of her seat but then she stopped and slumped her shoulders.

It took Sam a moment to understand her reaction but then he saw Andy and Nash walking back over to them, both with smiles on their faces at whatever Nash had just said.

"Hey," he greeted them, taking a quick look around and noticing that Collins was nowhere to be seen.

"Hey," Andy said, her smile widening as she met his eyes. "We're uh, we're gonna head off before we get side-tracked anymore."

"Okay." Even though part of him wanted to talk to her about Peck's earlier comment he decided against it. Sam could tell from the way she was looking at him that they were okay, that she had managed to talk herself round, or Nash had…or maybe even Collins.

"So I'll-we'll see you tomorrow." She stayed holding his gaze until Nash cleared her throat.

"You can stare into each other's eyes tomorrow night. I haven't had a chance to catch up with you in over a week, so let's move," Nash told Andy, grabbing hold of her arm and pulling her in the direction of the door. "Have a good night you two, and-"

Sam shot her a look to tell her not to finish the sentence since he already knew exactly what she wanted to say. Thankfully Nash seemed to get the message and instead of warning them about drinking too much she just winked at them before pushing Andy out of the door.

"Right," Sam started as he turned back to find Gail looking down at the floor. "Pool?"

Gail didn't respond straight away so Sam tried calling her name a few times before placing his hand on her shoulder and finally gaining her attention.

"You okay?" He was becoming more worried about Gail by the second, was getting the distinct feeling that she hadn't talked to anyone about anything since Collins returned.

"I'm fine." She shrugged, forcing a smile on her face. "We playing pool or what?"

"Yeah," he breathed but he waited for her to get off her seat before he made any attempt to move. Sam knew she was lying about being fine and so as he followed after her he made himself a silent promise. Whether she wanted to or not, he was going to make her talk later.

* * *

"Since when did you get good at pool?" he asked in disbelief as he watched the ball fall into the top right pocket.

"Haven't drunk half a bottle of tequila tonight," she told him as she lined up her next shot.

"Yeah." That was true but they had played when they were sober before and he'd still had quite a lead on her.

"May have had a few pointers too," she conceded as she struck the ball.

"Yeah," Sam breathed as he watched the ball fall into the side pocket. "From who?"

Gail faltered for a moment as she lined up her next shot.

"Nash," she muttered, striking the ball hard, but it just bounced off the cushion.

It was then that Sam suddenly understood a lot of the earlier looks and the comment about everything being back to normal. Gail didn't just have to adjust to Nick being back in her life, but also Andy. He knew Traci and Gail had become close over the last few months, having girl's night almost once a week at one point, but now Andy was back Sam guessed they weren't happening as frequently as they used to.

"What?" Gail snapped as Sam realised he had just been staring at her.

"Nothing."

"You don't really think we just sat around solving all the world's problems with a bottle of wine do you?"

Sam couldn't help but let out a short laugh, he forgot how well she knew him now, that she could generally figure out what he was thinking.

"You spent much time with Nash recently?" he asked as he lined up his shot.

"Went out the other week," she told him as he struck the ball. "You?"

Sam waited until the ball had fallen into the pocket before he moved his eyes to Gail.

"Every day."

"Not including work."

"Not much," he conceded, lining up his next shot. "Been a little busy."

"Yeah."

"But I'm sure she would have told me if she wanted to get a drink."

"Probably didn't want to bother you, considering how busy you've been," Gail said as Sam found himself biting his tongue, so that's why he hadn't heard anything from her recently. Though he had to say he was a little surprised, she had never taken it into account when they had first started drinking together so it seemed odd that she had over the last few weeks.

"Don't think that's ever stopped her before," he told her as he took his shot.

Gail didn't speak as Sam watched the ball roll along the table and come to a halt a few inches short of the pocket, but when he looked back up to her he could see she wasn't impressed.

"You done?"

For a moment Sam thought she was referring to the conversation but then she nodded to the table.

"All yours," he said, stepping aside and picking up his beer.

"Feel like making this game a little more interesting?" she asked as she lined up her shot before shooting him a sweet smile.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Loser buys for the rest of the night."

"You sure you want to buy me drinks for the rest of the night?"

"I've been practising." She glared at him before moving her focus to the ball in front of her.

"I know Nash isn't bad but she's not a miracle worker."

"Miracle worker?" Her eyes shot back up to meet his. "I-"

"Free drinks all night?" he cut her off.

"Or for as long as you can keep up with me."

Sam couldn't stop himself letting out a short chuckle at her challenge; they both knew he could outdrink her.

"Okay," he said, running his tongue over his bottom lip, he would certainly enjoy not having to buy drinks for the rest of the night.

Of course Gail didn't seem so happy with the somewhat cocky grin on his face. After shaking her head a little and snorting out a breath she struck the ball and sent it flying down the other end of the table. Sam couldn't help but feel his grin widen as he watched it miss all of her balls, he guessed he would be getting his free drinks sooner rather than later. But as the ball bounced off the top cushion and started back down the table Sam could feel his smile fading. It was on target to sink the ball in the bottom left corner, it-

"Yes!" Gail threw her hands up in the air, flashing him the same cocky grin he had been sporting just moments ago.

"Good shot," he muttered, doing his best to hide the surprise in his voice, he hadn't realised she had been practising so much.

"More where that came from," she told him as she moved round to take her next shot.

"Yeah," he muttered, moving his eyes over the table and trying to work out how quickly he could finish the game.

* * *

"Here," Gail said, sliding a beer over to him.

Sam just flashed her a smile as he wrapped his hand around the cool bottle.

"Don't get too high and mighty, it was close."

It was, and she had definitely gotten a lot better since their first game but thankfully he had managed to beat her. Sam really didn't think he would have been able live it down if she had beaten him, especially if Oliver got wind of it. He knew his friend was just waiting for the day when someone beat him so he could point out that Sam wasn't actually as good as he made out.

"Great," Gail muttered as Sam chanced a glance in her direction to see her with her phone in hand.

"Please don't tell me you're sending Collins more texts."

Gail just laughed at him whilst shaking her head.

"My mom," she told him as she continued to type out a message. "She wants me to pretend to be a sane, rational person so she can parade me in front of her friends."

"Fun."

"About as fun as listening to Nick's excuses," she told him, shoving the phone back into her pocket.

"You know you could always give him a chance."

"I could always become a nun or join the circus. Doesn't mean I'm going to do it."

Again Sam had to do his best to hide an eye roll; of course becoming a nun and talking to Collins were comparable in her books.

"So you're just gonna text him when you're drunk instead?"

"Who knows?" She shrugged, seeming somewhat entertained by the prospect.

Sam understood her reasons for wanting to punish Collins, he understood why she wanted the man to suffer like she had, but the problem was he could tell she wasn't much happier for it. Gail had spent the last seven months drinking with him, had confessed how much Collins really meant to her, so no matter how much of an act she put on Sam knew the truth. She still missed him. And if he had learnt anything over the last few weeks it was that sometimes you just had to give the person a chance.

"Look, he screwed up. He shouldn't have left without talking to you. He-" Sam paused for a moment, realising that it could have just as easily been him they were talking about. "He knows he made a mistake and clearly he wants to make it up to you-"

"Jesus, since when did you become his best friend?"

"Peck."

"What? You gonna tell me that's it's my fault, that-"

"You shouldn't waste the time you have," he finished for her, keeping his eyes locked with hers.

He knew she would remember the last time they had been told that. It was the first, or really the only time someone had called them out on drinking the problems away, but Traci was right. After everything she had been through she knew better than most that life was short, that it was stupid to keep score when you could try and make it work.

Admittedly Sam hadn't followed the advice perfectly but he was trying and he figured Gail could use a reminder too. Then again, Gail's relationship was different. This was the second time Collins had left her so maybe that was a sign they should call it. Maybe she would be better off moving on with her life instead of trying to make it work with him, but Sam really wasn't sure.

What he did know was that Gail was mad, possibly angrier than he had ever seen her before, given the way she was looking at him. Sam guessed he might have finally pushed her too far, but as much as he wanted to say something he decided he was better off waiting for her to speak.

"Fine."

Sam had no idea what Gail meant by the word, if she was agreeing with him or if she was about to walk out, but when she hopped off the stool he got the feeling he knew the answer. Of course she wasn't interested in talking about Collins, she had made it perfectly clear all night and still he had pushed her because he thought it would help. Though clearly he was wrong, clearly-

But Sam stopped thinking as he watched her pull the phone from her pocket.

"Hope for your sake you're right," she told him before marching over to the door.

* * *

"Right, we're having dinner tomorrow night. Happy now?"

Sam almost choked on the beer in his mouth as he tried to process her words.

"Tomorrow?" he managed to get the word out after swallowing his mouthful.

Yes he was happy she had decided to do something more than just torture the man, but he really hadn't been expecting such a quick turnaround.

"Well not all of us like to drag it out as long as you and McNally do."

Sam stayed staring at her for almost a minute whilst his brain tried to catch up with everything that had just happened.

"And for the record, you're pretty much the worse breakup buddy ever."

"What?"

"Key's in the title. You're supposed to stop me from going back to him. You're supposed to tell me that he's a jerk, let me punch him...not try and set us up on a date."

"I didn't-"

"Why don't you give him a chance?" she mocked his voice, causing him to raise an eyebrow at her.

"I meant that you should talk to him instead of pretending he doesn't exist."

"Yeah well, like I said. Not all of us like to drag it out as long as you and McNally do," Gail told him, taking a swig of her beer. "I mean by the time you two get your act together we'll all be old and grey."

Sam found himself biting his tongue as Gail flashed him a smile. He guessed it was a good thing that she was happy enough to tease him about his relationship instead of complaining about it.

"Want another drink?"

He figured he was going to need another if Gail was about to start analysing his relationship with Andy.

"How about a rematch instead? You know, best out of three?" Gail gave him her sweetest look, one Sam had only ever seen her flash at Diaz or Collins to get them to do something for her.

"Why would I want to do that?"

"Male pride?"

He felt a scratch in his throat like he wanted to laugh, but in the end it came out as a cough. "I'm okay."

"Fine," Gail sighed, looking down at the bar.

Sam wasn't sure what she was plotting, but he knew she was up to something given the disappointed look she was faking. The one which involved glancing up at him every few seconds so he could see just how upset she was pretending to be.

"Guess we could just talk," she spoke softly.

"Yeah," he muttered, though he didn't offer any more, he was still waiting to find out what she was up to.

"You know, since Nick and I are talking, and you and Andy are…whatever you're doing." She flapped her hands around before turning to face him. "Maybe we should go on a double date!"

She flashed him a wide smile when she finished speaking as Sam felt the lump forming in the back of his throat.

"Just think about how much fun it would be," she beamed at him as Sam did his best to force the look of disgust from his face. "There's so many places we could go. I mean Nick's more of a Thai guy but there's this really good Italian downtown," she continued to ramble on, listing off restaurant after restaurant as Sam finally managed to swallow the lump in his throat.

"What about Andy? I mean I know she likes pretty much everything but she must have a favourite," Gail continued as Sam parted his lips, willing some words to come out, but in the end he just found himself watching Gail as she started outlining dates they were all free.

"So what do you think?"

The words 'over my dead body' flashed before Sam's eyes as he opened his mouth to speak. "Wanna play pool?"

Gail held his gaze for long enough that Sam thought she might continue discussing a double date, but then he saw the smug grin on her face. "Thought you'd never ask."

Sam felt his heart rate slow back to normal as he watched her slide off her stool and walk over to the table, but he stayed where he was, silently berating himself for falling for her trick. Clearly after the last seven months together she knew exactly which buttons to press to get her own way, something he wasn't completely sure he liked. Maybe this is why he had never been friends with a woman before, maybe this was why he preferred to keep people at a distance, maybe-

"You coming Swarek?"

Without even giving it a second thought Sam pushed himself off the stool and over to her. So apparently he did like having women as friends, or maybe he just liked having people who actually knew him. He had always been Sam Swarek the cop to most people, had only let a few people get close to him and then one of them had been taken away so he had shut everyone else out. But over the last few months he had been working at it, had let his old friends back in as well as some new ones. He guessed it was safe to say that those people had seen the real him. They had seen the person who had been hurt. They had seen the person who had hurt people. And most importantly, they had seen the person who was willing to change.

* * *

_Okay, so there's one more (rather light-hearted) chapter to go, which should hopefully be out before the next episode airs._


End file.
